Together Or Apart

2. Birthday Plans

It is currently 5:30am and I have between 30 minutes-1 hour until Sydney wakes up. Sunday's used to be my sleep in days and a good excuse to lounge around. But not anymore. Unlike their parents, my girls are early risers.

After giving birth to London, I took for granted how well my body bounced back into shape. Breastfeeding helped tremendously and I went back to the gym six months after birth. Although my body looked physically different with significantly more loose skin, I managed to reach my pre-baby weight.

Since giving birth to Sydney, I have been struggling to love my physical appearance and new body. Mirrors are my worst enemy and I tend to avoid them at all costs. Photos used to be something that I enjoyed, but now I would rather be behind the camera, than in front of it. Every night before I shower, I find myself tugging at all of my excess skin and pointing out all of the flaws on my naked body.

From my large thighs, to my rounder bum, excess skin on the front of my stomach, lower stomach pouch, love handles surrounding my hip bones and my arms sagging due to muscle loss whilst I've been away from the gym.

The transition from 1-2 kids has been harder than 0-1. When London was a newborn, Harry was on the last leg of his final tour in One Direction. Then when One Direction went on hiatus, it was a sad time but it was also such a blessing. Harry felt like he could finally breathe and he didn't have to be in a new city or country every three days. We lived in one home under the same roof, would go to the beach or the park together, we would grocery shop together and live as 'normal' as we could.

When London was 1, I went on a small Australian-wide tour for 4 weeks. Harry and London tagged along with me. A few months later, we travelled to France where Harry filmed Dunkirk. We were happy doing this because we could travel as a family for a few months at a time, then return to our regular lives at home in Sydney, Australia.

Fast forward a few more years where Harry went on a solo world tour. London and I tagged along with him and I guess you could say we were so obsessed with each other that we accidentally fell pregnant with baby number two. Both of our girls weren't planned, but we wouldn't change it for the world. 

When Sydney was a newborn, it was a little easier to bring the girls on the road with us. London loves travelling and Sydney was either sleeping, eating or pooping. Harry and I had a good routine with the two girls and our careers.

While my work schedule was pretty chill, I scheduled meetings and performances around Sydney's sleep schedule and feeding times. Harry would be with the two girls while I was working. 

Things have drastically changed now though. 

Harry recently finished his world tour for his second album. This tour had been planned well before I fell pregnant with Sydney. During his first solo world tour, London and I tagged along with him because she was old enough to understand what was happening. Things weren't so easy once Sydney was born.

She was so young and I didn't want her travelling around the world. When she was four months old, I took her on her first overseas trip. The girls and I went to America for the US leg of the tour and Sydney hated it. All of her schedules were mixed up due to the time difference, she felt disoriented because she was away from her home environment and she got really unsettled. She doesn't like planes and flying gives her anxiety.

We lasted two weeks before I had to fly home. Since then, Harry has been travelling back and forth to juggle work and his family. 

Sydney isn't the reason for the complications in our relationship. We are the parents and the one's who chose to not have a normal life. Normal parents live in one city and they work in that city. Harry and I both move around throughout the entire year and that's not fair on our kids.