Allegiance | Kylo Ren

XXII

I couldn't sleep that night. I rolled around my bed restlessly, anticipation keeping my mind in high gear. Finally, I gave up on sleep. I sat up and redid my braids, taming my head of blonde waves and sighing in satisfaction as I felt the neat result. My mind wandered as I worked, and I began to wonder which ship I would be sorted onto in the morning.

Hopefully not the one with Kylo. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the prospect, perfectly able to imagine his annoyance at seeing my black and red armor among the sea of white.

Why didn't he want me to go? He must have known how much his disapproval would crush me; I had mentioned how excited I was to return countless times, and yet he met my good news with anger. There was no reason for me not to go on the mission tomorrow, and we both knew it, but for some reason, he wouldn't accept it. I frowned as I recalled his abrupt dismissal of my plan to go.

I felt some guilt for how easily I had unleashed my anger on him; all my pent-up frustrations had spilled out so quickly and easily that I had a difficult time retaining any of it. I had been trained to suppress my emotions, but in that moment, I was seized by my need for catharsis, and Kylo had been at the brunt of it.

I should probably apologize. I chewed my lip at the thought, my pride disagreeing with me.

The lights flickered on, met by groans and grumbles of sleepy troopers. Quietly, they crawled out of their beds and began to dress. I blinked, slightly disappointed that I hadn't gotten any sleep and surprised at how short the night had felt. Nonetheless, I pulled on my base layer clothing and gritted my jaw before pulling out my case of armor.

I kept my eyes fixed on my bed as I pulled on the armor piece by piece; the resulting murmurs and stares were expected, and I was not in the least surprised. I refused to make eye contact with anyone as we filed out the door and down the hallway to the boarding docks to receive our assignments.

The docks were alive when we arrived, and I wondered how many people besides myself had not slept at all that night. A young commander stood on a makeshift stage and was reading out assignments; I had to fight my way through the cluster of troopers to hear mine. It was a while before I heard my code, but when I did, a heavy sigh escaped my mouth.

"CL-1823: First ship."

I was with Kylo. I made my way to the open ship, face burning from all the curious glances I was receiving at the sight of my contrasting armor. I picked up one of the blasters that were leaning against the ship, holding it protectively across my chest while we waited for permission to board. I stood apart from the other troopers assigned to the first ship, my eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

"First ship, you are clear to board." A commander's voice rang out, and we lined up as we made our way up the ramp and into the belly of the ship. I stood in line with the other troopers, remembering how everything had been exactly the same yet so much different last time I did this.

My heart sunk as I spotted the cloaked form of Kylo boarding the ship. He moved wordlessly through our ranks as he made his way to his usual spot in the back. As he passed me, his hand closed around my upper arm, and I stumbled slightly as he dragged me to the back with him. Not wanting to challenge him in front of the other troopers, I didn't speak. Instead, I confronted him mentally.

What are you doing?

He didn't respond, staring straight ahead through his stony-faced mask as the ramp closed and the floor began to rumble as the engines ignited.

I huffed quietly and copied him, noticing the gap in the line where I had been standing before. It remained empty, a reminder to me and everyone else that I was standing with Kylo in the back, like I was a general or commander, not a trooper.

The room remained silent through the entire flight, as expected. I didn't try to speak to Kylo again, knowing that he wouldn't respond. Instead, we stood stiffly next to each other while the ship navigated through space and neared Jakku. As we began the descent onto the sandy planet, the lights flickered out and the engines quieted so we could make a covert landing.

The troopers stood in perfect formation as we landed heavily on the sand-covered surface of the planet, tucked neatly behind a large sand dune that blocked our view of the city and therefore the city's view of us. The ramp lowered as the engines cut, and suddenly we were enveloped in silence. Everyone on board waited quietly, although somewhat impatiently, for the indication that it was time to go.

I glanced at Kylo, turning my head slightly so I could see him out of the corner of the vision of my helmet. He had not moved throughout the entire flight.

I was suddenly nervous. It seemed to be a long time since I had been in action, and I was beginning to have doubts about whether or not I was ready, but there was no going back now. Kylo could sense my fears. He brushed against me lightly, trying to reassure me.

A soft noise crackled from the radio, and at once we were all in motion. The troopers spilled out of the ship like water from a broken vase, their snowy armor standing in stark contrast to the unlit desert night. I made to follow them, but was restrained for a moment by Kylo's hand on my wrist.

"Stay close." His voice was quiet.

I hesitated before nodding, my heart in my throat, and together we walked down the ramp and towards the ruined rebel city.