Allegiance | Kylo Ren

LXIV

The moment the ship met the ground, I was en route to Kylo's room. I knew he would be going quietly insane with worry, and I needed to end that as soon as possible. I brushed past the others without apology, my feet carrying me without thought down the all-too-familiar hallways and to a door I had seen what felt like thousands of times.

I knocked gently, and the door slid open right away. Kylo's anxious face met me in the doorway, and at once I was enveloped in a tight embrace.

"Hi." I managed to mumble into his black shirt.

"Thank you for coming back safely." He whispered softly, making me smile.

He released me and closed the door behind me, enclosing us in the room together. I could sense that something was wrong; anxiety was rolling off him in waves.

"What's wrong?" I watched him pace the length of his room. "What happened?"

"The date has been set for my final assessment." He muttered without stopping his pacing.

My eyes widened. "When is it?"

"Tomorrow." His dark eyes met mine for a heartbeat before they flicked away.

I leaned against the side of his bed. "That's... soon."

"I was given no warning." Kylo was frowning now, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"What do you have to do?" I wanted desperately to hold him forcefully in place to keep him from pacing, but I knew that he was venting his nervousness, and stopping him would only cause him more anxiety.

He turned to face me, his fingers pulling at the roots of his hair. "They didn't tell me."

"So you don't know?" My eyebrows rose. "They're going to wait to tell you until the day of your assessment?"

"Yes." He muttered darkly, casting a distressed glance in my direction and coming to a halt in his pacing.

I took this as my cue to touch him. I approached him cautiously before placing my hands firmly on his shoulders. Kylo's dark eyes were tinged with stress as he gazed at me.

"Breathe." I instructed, and waited until he had taken a gulping breath before continuing. "You've trained for this. You have the best lightsaber skills I've ever seen, and you are incredibly strong with the Force. All you need to do—and I know this won't be easy—is stay calm."

He stared into my eyes as I spoke, and I felt him relax slightly under my touch. I pulled him in for another hug, wondering what else I could do to help ease his nerves. I could think of nothing, so instead I held him tightly for a bit longer. When I pulled away, he ran his hands over his face and let out a long sigh.

I sat on his bed, watching him sorrowfully. "What happens after you pass your examination?"

He glanced up at me. "I rise in the ranks of the First Order. I've been promised a place alongside Supreme Leader Snoke."

My eyes widened. "That's amazing."

He looked away, but I swore I caught a glimpse of a grimace across his features before he did.

"Isn't that what you want?" I watched him curiously, surprised by his reaction.

There was a long pause. Then: "Yes." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.

I frowned slightly at his hesitation, but didn't press. The last thing he needed right now was an interrogation.

He sat down next to me on the bed with a light huff, his eyes trained on the floor in front of us. Stress was engraved in his face, illustrated in the smallest of creases around his eyes and mouth.

I wished that I could absorb some of his stress, so at least then it would be spread out across two people instead of concentrated in one. He flashed me a grateful glance, clearly having read my thoughts. I gave him a sad smile instead of rebuking him as usual for invading my mind.

"What can I do?" I whispered.

He shook his head slightly, watching me with dark eyes. "Nothing. This is something I must do on my own."

I sighed softly, my fingertips tracing soft shapes over his shoulder. "You'll be okay."

Kylo chewed his lip for a moment before speaking. "But what if I fail?" He whispered, fear shadowing his features.

"You're going to do great, I promise." I stared directly into Kylo's eyes as I spoke, trying to convey some of the false confidence that my words held.

He didn't reply. Instead, he gave a nervous shiver and looked away. I laid my hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before planting a quick kiss on his cheek.

I gave him one last uneasy smile as I left, wishing that I had the power to keep my promise.