Allegiance | Kylo Ren

XLVII

I leapt to my feet at the sight of the traitor. Rey raised a hand in defense. My movements were slightly hindered, suggesting that she was giving me a warning to control my actions instead of stopping me altogether. I glanced at her, and the caution was clear in her eyes. Reluctantly, I relaxed, but maintained my murderous glare on the man in the doorway.

"Traitor!" I spat.

"Yeah, I figured they'd still be calling me that." He gave a small smile, looking unfazed by my hatred. "I was hoping we could talk?" He glanced at Rey and Poe. "Alone?"

"Finn, are you sure?" Rey looked like the last thing she wanted to do was leave her friend alone in a room with me. I had made my distaste for him excessively clear.

"It'll be alright." He reassured her.

Rey and Poe exchanged a glance, then quietly filed out the door. Poe paused in the doorway, turning back towards me with an expression of guarded curiosity across his face.

"What is Kylo Ren to you?" He asked, then frowned, rephrasing his question. "What are you to Kylo Ren?"

I stared at him, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you might have worked that out for yourself."

Annoyance flashed over his face before he turned and followed Rey out.

Finn stood in the corner of the room opposite my bed, putting maximum distance between us. I slowly lowered myself back onto my bed, glaring at him still but fighting the urge to wrap my hands around his throat.

"Listen, I know how you feel about me." He sighed, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket. "And I know you hate us for taking you away from the First Order. But I need you to listen to me, just for a bit."

He stared at me, awaiting an agreement that I did not grant him. I met his words with icy silence, letting him make the decision whether or not to go on. I folded my arms across my chest as he spoke again.

"What's your code?"

I gritted my teeth, debating whether I should respond. "CL-1823." I muttered at last. "But that's not my name."

Finn's dark eyes sparked with interest. "You have a name?"

"Calia."

He smiled. "Alright, Calia—I like that name. Look, you can continue to hate all of us with every ounce of your being and I won't judge you for that, it's how you were trained, and I understand. But I want to ask you something: Throughout all of your years as a trooper, have you ever doubted, even for a moment, whether or not what the First Order is doing is wrong?"

I didn't feel like talking to him. I wanted him to leave. I wanted to go home. I turned slightly away from him, refusing to make eye contact.

He sighed at my refusal to speak. "Calia, please. Answer the question."

"Yes." I snapped. "But that doesn't matter, because my allegiance—"

"Is to your leader." He finished my sentence for me, looking tired. "Yeah, I know. I remember that."

"Then you should remember that your personal opinions don't matter when you're a trooper. You're given a job and you fulfill it, no questions asked." I glared at him, angered when I saw no signs of guilt for breaking the most basic of trooper mantras.

"But don't you feel like you should have some choice? Free will?"

I scoffed. "No. I'm a trooper. I do what I'm told, like you were supposed to, traitor."

He gazed at me. "So you've never been afraid? Never wanted to run from a fight? Save yourself?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I have, I'm not stupid. But I've been trained for years to do the exact opposite. Running would make all those years obsolete, meaningless. And I don't think I'm better than the others. Why should I let them sacrifice their lives while I run?"

"Okay." He shrugged. "I get it."

"I don't think you do."

"No, I do. I had that same mindset once. But I managed to get out of it, and that was the best decision of my life."

I stared at him, curious but not wanted to admit it. "What could have possibly happened to make you turn against your own people? To make you leave everything you'd ever known behind?"

"I watched Stormtroopers murder a town of people who had surrendered." He rubbed his forehead, looking stressed. "Mercilessly. It horrified me. The people had given up, raised the white flag, and yet they were shot down like livestock. It showed me that no matter what the First Order leaders promised us was right, nobody was safe."

I swallowed shakily, wondering what I would have done in that situation. I probably would have followed orders. "Oh."

He gave one last smile, turning to leave. I watched him go, not liking the conflicting feelings waging war inside my chest.