Allegiance | Kylo Ren

XCIV

The first thing I saw was white. I squeezed my eyes shut again, unprepared for how bright it would be. When I finally forced my eyes to open again and adjust to the light, they watered in protest.

I wiggled each of my extremities, curious as to where I was. I felt no pain—that was new. I blinked, and my eyes registered seeing ceiling tiles. Taking a deep breath, I raised my head and looked around.

I was in a hospital room.

Why do I always wake up in one of these?

It wasn't like last time—this room was much smaller, with my bed taking up the majority of the space. The lights overhead were equally blinding, though, and it was taking longer than usual to adjust.

The sound of the door opening caused me to turn my head. A nurse stared at me with wide eyes for a moment before turning and leaving. I watched, intrigued, as she returned a few moments later with Rey in tow.

"I'm not dead, then." I observed mildly, letting my head fall back onto the pillow.

"Not this time." Rey gave me a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, actually." I frowned. "Which is strange, because I recall being impaled by a lightsaber."

"Yes, you were." The dark-haired girl was watching me carefully, as if she was waiting for me to remember something else.

As that thought crossed my mind, a flood of memories overtook me. Flying back to the base. Deactivating the radars. Finding Ben and the others. Fighting the guards. Convincing Ben that I was still loyal. Fighting Snoke. Then—nothing.

I shot upright, cringing as the sudden blood flow to my head momentarily blinded me.

"What happened? Where's Ben?" I started to pull off the blanket covering me, but Rey stopped me with a gentle hand.

"Stay down. It's okay." Her voice was quiet.

"Tell me where Ben is." I snapped.

"He's in one of the other recovery rooms." She was avoiding eye contact, which sent a sour feeling to my stomach.

"Is he—" I broke off, words sticking in my throat. "Okay?"

"You were badly hurt." Rey studied her hands as she spoke. "Your wounds should have been fatal."

"Rey." I grabbed her arm. "Tell me he's okay."

She took a deep breath. "When he saw you were injured, he panicked and tried to heal you. Succeeded, in fact." She gestured to my body. "But as you know, the healing process is very demanding, even in small doses."

"What are you saying?" My voice came out as a ragged whisper.

"He overexerted himself saving you." She chewed her lip. "He hasn't woken up yet."

This time, I didn't let Rey stop me from getting out of bed. I stumbled across the room to the door, whipping it open despite her protests. Once in the hall, I glanced around until my eyes landed on a door that I suddenly just knew was his. I brushed off Rey again and pushed his door open, stopping dead at the sight of him lying in the bed.

He was connected to several tubes and drip lines, his heartbeat illustrated by a slow, gentle beeping. His face was ashen, his eyes closed lightly and his black hair strewn across his forehead, sticking to his skin in places.

I drew a shaky breath at his appearance, tears welling in my eyes. This was my fault.

Rey watched from the doorway as I crept to his side and knelt on the ground, taking his hand in mine and kissing it gently.

"Ben." I whispered, my eyes trained on his face. "Please wake up."

He didn't respond. Guilt was choking me as I glanced at Rey. Her face softened.

"You can't blame yourself for this." She said softly.

I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was a broken sob. My shoulders shook silently as hot tears began to stream down my face.

She placed a light hand on my shoulder, a fruitless attempt at comfort.

"What—" I took a moment to steady my voice. "What happened? After?"

"It didn't last long after you went down." Rey's eyes were on me, but I was watching Ben. "Luke said that Ben shoved Snoke to get to you, and in doing so essentially pushed him directly into Luke."

I blinked back tears to stare at Rey. "Snoke is dead?"

A small smile graced her lips. "Snoke is dead. It's over."

I emitted a long, slow breath. I should have been overcome with joy—the war was over. But I felt numb. All I could think about was the unconscious man in front of me, and how I should have followed his instructions and left. If I had, he might not be lying in a hospital bed right now.

"Ben will wake up, right?" I whispered. "He'll be okay?"

Rey didn't respond for a long time, and her silence sent a tremor of fear down my spine.

"I've never seen anything like this before. Exhaustion is one thing, but this is altogether new—even the nurses aren't entirely sure what to do. His body just kind of shut down of its own accord. We think he may be in a sort of comatose state, where his body shut down for self-healing, but we aren't certain."

I felt more tears stream down my face as I listened, and I gripped Ben's hand tightly in both of mine.

"Can't you try something—your healing powers? Maybe..." My words trailed off as Rey shook her head sadly.

"I already tried a bit, but there was no change. We're going to have to wait this one out."

I blinked rapidly to hold back desperate tears. Rey left wordlessly, giving my shoulder one last soft squeeze before she did.

I was overcome by fear. If I lost Ben, all this would be for nothing. I would be left with nothing. He was the reason I stayed, the reason I fought. He was my reason.

For me, the war wouldn't be over until he woke up.