Allegiance | Kylo Ren

XXXVIII

It was clear to me the moment I entered Kylo's room that he had not slept at all. He gazed at me with hollow eyes, seeming to sway in place with exhaustion.

"I thought I told you to sleep." I huffed, placing my hands on his shoulders to force him to sit on the bed.

"I can't." He muttered.

I sighed, sitting down next to him. "At least try?"

"I already did." He was beginning to sound like a stubborn child refusing to take their afternoon nap.

"Okay." I flopped back onto his bed. If he wasn't going to lay down, I might as well.

He watched me with dull eyes, his shoulders slumped and his black hair mussed. I smiled softly to myself as I noticed the small braid behind his left ear—he had left it in.

"I wanted to ask you something." I said.

He gazed at me wordlessly, waiting for me to go on.

"Lay down first." I instructed. He rolled his eyes, but did as I said, laying down heavily in the spot next to me. I waited until he had settled down to speak again.

"Why did they change the graduation age for trainees?" I turned onto my side to look at him.

He frowned. "This is the first I've heard of that."

"They lowered it from eighteen to sixteen, and now there's no rules blocking new graduates from being included on missions. That seems dangerous to me." I mused.

Kylo's dark eyes wandered to the ceiling above us as he absorbed this new information.

"Are we running low on numbers?" I prompted him. "Have we lost too many troopers on missions, and have gaps to fill?"

"I don't know." He mumbled, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. "I don't think we've lost any more than what's typical."

I hummed thoughtfully and rolled onto my back again. "That's strange, then."

"Sixteen isn't that young, though." He glanced at me.

My eyes widened. "Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't. I started my Jedi training when I was twelve."

"But that's different!" I argued. "You weren't sent on life-threatening missions then. Now troopers are being sent out as soon as they graduate. These troopers are still kids, they shouldn't have to risk their lives so soon."

"Sixteen isn't bad." He insisted. "How old were you when you were sent on your first mission?"

"Twenty, I think." I frowned, trying to remember how old I was currently. I was almost certain that I was twenty. "But that was after two years of domestic work. I wasn't freshly graduated."

His dark eyes turned on me. "You don't know how old you are?"

I met his gaze uncertainly, realizing that he had read my thoughts again. "No." My voice was quiet.

"Oh." He seemed mildly upset by this.

"The graduation age for me was eighteen, and two years of domestic work would make me twenty, because my first mission was the one where we met." I nodded to myself as the math checked out. Kylo watched me silently, his expression unreadable. "So I'm twenty.  Or somewhere around twenty.

"How old are you?" I asked suddenly, realizing that I had absolutely no idea.

"Twenty-six."

"You're old." I teased, nudging his shoulder.

He smiled softly. "I feel a lot older than I am."

I felt a tick of sadness at his words. His time with the First Order had taken its toll on him; his youthful features were hardened, and the rings under his eyes had become seemingly permanent. At his age, he should have been living a carefree life, but instead he held the weight of the First Order's expectations upon his tired shoulders.

I buried my face into his shoulder, unhappy with my realization. "I'm sorry." My words were just above a whisper.

He glanced at me. "You have no reason to be sorry."

"I still am, though." I breathed in the familiar scent of his shirt, finding comfort in his presence.

We fell into a comfortable yet weary silence. I stayed close to his side, lost in thought.

If Kylo hadn't known about the rule changes, then who did? Maybe it was General Hux. He oversaw much of the trooper training program, and it would make sense for him to be in charge of the age limits. I made a mental note to seek him out and inquire about the rule change. I wasn't his favorite person, but if I asked in a professional manner, he might just give me an answer. The only problem was going to be tracking him down; I didn't know his schedule like I knew Kylo's, and it might be tricky to find him.

I turned to Kylo to ask him about Hux's daily routines, but my words stayed locked behind my lips.

Kylo's eyes had fluttered shut, and his chest was rising and falling in a steady manner. He had, it seemed, finally managed to fall asleep. I didn't dare move, for fear of waking him. He needed the sleep more than anything right now, and I wasn't going to be the one to take it away from him. So I stayed nuzzled into his side, glad that the stress lines had been cleared from his face at last.