Just a dream

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Spencer stood in a black dress that reached her knees. There was no trace of makeup on her face, and her lip trembled every time someone came to speak to her. She still didn't want to admit what was happening, was happening.

Her shoulder hurt, but it didn't meet the pain her heart held. Spencer had to be careful, making sure she wouldn't reopen the wound or get it infected. She wanted to die.

She saw her friends. They all wore black dresses, but they were more fashionable than hers. Spencer wore a plain, black dress. There was another family in the church. She didn't know them, but he did. They traveled down from Maine, his  former destination.

Spencer saw his family. His step-sister, wearing black. Spencer wanted to shoot her. Not only did she rape him, but she also tried to kill Spencer and her friends.

There were three coffins: Toby Cavanaugh, Yvonne Phillips, Noel Kahn. Spencer knew all of them, but Toby was the one who damaged her the most.

They were supposed to get married.

They were supposed to grow old together.

They were supposed to have children.

They were soulmates.

He was her person, and she couldn't find the ability to breath without him. She couldn't sleep or eat. She couldn't function correctly without him.

"Spence, we need to sit down," a voice said. Spencer jumped, looking at the person speaking. Caleb. Her past lover.

"Don't call me that," she snapped. Caleb flinched at her tone. Spencer didn't care. "I'll be there in a moment."

Caleb nodded. He didn't want to push her too far. He hurt her. A lot. He promised he wouldn't do that, but he did.

When Caleb walked away, Spencer stayed standing by the entrance. She didn't want to walk in. She didn't want to admit he was really dead. This wasn't real. She knew she was dreaming.

Spencer and Toby sat in a chair, looking at the scenery. Spencer looked at him, as he looked out the window. She loved him. So much. She wanted him to stay with her forever.

"I love you," she said, breaking the silence. "Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Toby looked at her, a smile on his face. "I love you too," he kissed her head. "I always will."

Spencer kissed him, and he kissed her back. Spencer pulled away, snuggling closer to him.

The memorial started. Spencer sat with her friends and family. She stayed silent through the sermon. No tears fell down her cheeks, unlike Emily. Hanna and Aria had no reaction. They weren't close with any of the deceased.

Veronica, Spencer's adoptive mother, sat on Spencer's left. Mary, Spencer's birth mother, sat on her right. Peter was next to Veronica, and Melissa was next to Peter. Melissa was crying. Peter wasn't reacting. Veronica squeezed Spencer's hand every five minutes. Mary's hand rested on Spencer's knee.

Spencer couldn't admit everything was happening. A quiet sob left her lips, the first reaction of the day. Hearing his name. Hearing why they were all there, triggered her broken sobs.

"It's okay," Veronica whispered to her. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," Spencer whispered back.

Spencer got the news from Emily. Emily was the only one who had a reason to tell her. Spencer cried. She screamed. She held her arms. She fell apart.

"Tell me it's a lie," Spencer whispered. "Tell me it's not real."

"I'm so sorry," Emily said. Emily had been crying. Spencer hugged Emily, tightly.

"Don't let me go. Don't let me go," Spencer whimpered. "Please. Don't leave me too. Don't let me go."

Spencer stood from her seat. She was asked by Toby's parents to speak for Toby's behalf. Spencer walked over to the podium, and her hands shook.

"Hi," she said, nervously. "I'm Spencer, if you don't know. I was friends with Yvonne," she sad, glancing at Yvonne's parents. Yvonne's mother made a loud cry of hurt at the sound of her daughter's name. "I went to school with Noel too. We didn't always get along," Spencer locked eyes with Noel's brother. He looked defeated. "Toby was one of my best friends," she said, her voice closing as she spoke. "He was someone who changed my life when I was a teenager," Spencer saw Toby's father cover his face.

Spencer held herself close. She cried in her knees, unable to stop. She felt broken. She felt lost. She felt defeated. Emily stayed with her most nights. Emily told her it was because she didn't want to be alone. Spencer knew the real reason. Emily was scared to keep Spencer alone.

"This was some of his things that were found. I thought you would want them," Marco said. Spencer nodded at him, and then he dismissed himself. Spencer opened the box.

The scrabble board. He kept it. Spencer whimpered.

A T-shirt. Spencer hugged it, taking in the scent. She forgot his scent, like he almost forgot hers so many years ago.

His phone. Spencer unlocked it, and her contact was the last thing opened. Spencer saw there was an unsent message. He still loved her. Spencer let out another sob of pain.

A photograph of them. Spencer put it on her bedside.

A pocket watch. Spencer cried. He kept it. He always had it.

Spencer held the shirt, falling asleep, holding it. She woke up thinking he was there. She threw up when she realized he was gone.

"He protected me. He fought for me. He loved me," Spencer said. "He was my first love, and I was his. He fell in love again, with Yvonne. I was happy he had another chance at love. He deserved it," Spencer looked at Jenna. Jenna wore a neutral facade. Spencer hated her for it. "He didn't deserve this, and we will figure this out. This was no accident. The police have confirmed that. The person who did this, is the person who shot me. I will get justice for Yvonne's death. I will get justice for Toby's death."

"The police said it wasn't an accident. Someone purposely ran them off the road," Hanna whispered. They thought Spencer was sleeping. Spencer knew it wasn't an accident. A.D. texted her. Spencer screamed when she saw the text. She deleted it before Emily could see. "I think it's A.D."

"I love him. I will always remember him. Forever. I will never forever Toby. I won't forget the time I've spent with Yvonne—a friend. Noel—a classmate—won't be forgotten."

Spencer walked back to her seat. Once she sat, she cried. She spent the rest of the funeral crying.

Spencer made a promise she would get A.D. sent to prison or killed. Spencer made the promise. She wouldn't stop until she got justice.

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