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Chapter 6: The Truth of Abuse

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I hit my head against the window of my car. I hate myself. If I could go back to any night in the entire world, it would be that night.

I remember it so clearly, but I wish didn’t.

Nicole led me upstairs to the party, since her Kayla were so close I assumed we were going talk about her and hopefully work things out.

It was loud at the party. Nicole and I tried to talk but we couldn’t hear each other, but she suggested we go to the closet, for a quieter place to talk. I should saw the warning sighs as soon as she suggested we go in a closet to talk.   I kept asking her about Kayla, but she told Kayla was over me, and that the reason she broke up with me was because I wasn’t 'good enough', and she was dating other guys now.

I believed that. What an idiot I was, Kayla and I cared about each other enough to never break over one of us not 'being good enough'.  

I was so angry. I was in love with her, and I was so hurt that she would hook up with other guys’ days after we broke up. I remember how I was shaking, the fact that she would date anyone a week or two after we broke up, it snapped something insdie. I wanted her to hurt like I was hurting, I wanted her to feel the pain, but she was going through so much more than what I was, and I had no idea.  I think Nicole knew that I was jealous.

Then Nicole started getting closer to me, she said that she and Kayla were in a fight, because she told Kayla that she shouldn’t have dumped me and then Kayla get upset with her, and they haven’t talked much since.

I should have got up and walked away, because I saw them walk in together. But I didn’t ask her about that. I just listened to her. She kept getting closer and closer.

Then we started making out. I had missed being so close to someone, I knew I wanted more. 

I let her kiss me. Then she started kissing my neck, then went lower. She unzipped my pants. I immediately jumped up.

“Wait I don’t know if we should-”I said to her,

“Just trust me Ty.” She whispered. Ty, that’s what Kayla used to call me. i instantlythought of all thge things we did together and suddenly, I didn’t care anymore. She hurt me so much.

She took off my pants and we continued. Then she started taking off her clothes. And then my shirt came off. Nicole then started making out with me again.

Then I remember I started to feel different, I felt like it was wrong. I didn't understand why at first, but I was right. It was wrong. It was horrible.

Then I broke away from Nicole, because I couldn’t stand another second of kissing her. All I really wanted was to kiss Kayla, and I hated being with Nicole.  I wanted to go home. Our skin was touching her body was so close to mine, and suddenly I was so disgusted that the fact that she was so close to me.

“How far are we going to go?” I asked her, uncomfortably. I felt so uncomfortable, and I was hoping I could tell her I didn’t want to have sex, and I could go home. Really. That’s what I thought.

Then a bright light came through. A shadow appeared, and I saw it was Kayla. I fell apart inside.

“Shit” I said. I was so pissed. Kayla was going to hate me forever. I already hated myself for doing this. From that moment on, she would hate me. And I would always love her.

I tried to cover up from Kayla and Nicole. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I crawled into the back corners of the closet and waited for them to leave.