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Chapter 25: Therapy

Haley’s POV

“When you first found out about Kayla, how did you feel?” Mrs. Waltz asked me, her tone sounding concerned, but I didn’t fall for it. She was just trying to squeeze something out of me and tell my parents.

I looked out the window, longingly. I would do anything not to be here, in this stupid therapy session. I did not want to talk about my problems with some stranger, I just wanted to keep it all in. Why was that such a bad thing?

“Were you sad, angry or depressed, or all three?” She continued. I sucked in my breath, I did not want to answer any of these stupid questions, what if I start crying, or tell her how I really feel.

I needed another drink, I wanted to go back out to club, but I was afraid that I would see Drew or his roommates there. I can’t believe that I did that. It was only my second time, but I still felt so dirty. It was the first time I had done with a stranger, and I know that I hated it and loved it at the same time. I hated doing it with a stranger, I wanted to do it with someone I loved, and who loved me, but at the same time, I loved how he knew nothing about me.

Kayla would have been proud of me for doing that. She always was saying that I never had any fun, and really should party more. I knew that Kayla really never had any fun either; she just acted like she was having fun. I already know that I could never do that again, it just made me feel so empty and lonely, like nobody really cared. But, the sad truth is, nobody does care, Kayla was the only one who cared, and now she’s gone.

I felt a tear, coming out of my eye, and quickly wipe it, before the stupid therapist sees it and makes a big deal about it. I avoided her gaze at all costs, I really did not want to be here, talking about Kayla. This person, Mrs. Waltz, believed that she could help me, that she could fix me, that she make me open up, and talk about my dead best friend. That was never going to happen. Did she not understand that I wanted to keep it in? I don’t want other people to know how much I'm suffering, or how much I need someone.

“You know Haley, this would be a lot easier if you answered my questions,” Mrs. Waltz said, slowly, as if saying it slowly would make me feel more comfortable, and agree to answer her damn questions.

I still don’t respond to her, and become very interested in the tiles on the floor. She was sitting about five feet away on a large comfortable brown leathered chair, while I was sitting on a lumpy couch. For some reason that annoyed me, why did she get to be comfortable, while I was sitting on an ugly yellow lumpy couch, with green and purple pillows. I was the one with the problems; shouldn’t I be the one who is comfortable?

Mrs. Waltz has been asking me questions for the last fifty minutes, I only had ten minutes, left I could surely do this, I would just keep quiet until then.

“Honey, this session will be pointless if you don’t talk.” She said staring at me.

“Good, I don’t want to be here.” I respond. At first she looked surprised, it was the first time I had spoken since I got here, and I could tell she was pleased for a second, but then understood what I said, and shook her head.

“And, why do you not to be here?” She asked, leaning in closer to me, I looked at her funny. What did she think I was finally going to open up and cry about Kayla. Ha, you’re out of luck, if that’s what you’re thinking of. But I might as well annoy her a little, give her a run for her money.