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Chapter 17: Bitch Times Two

Tyler POV

My mom wanted me to see a doctor. I told her no, that I was already starting to feel better. She raised her eyebrow, but didn’t say anything and left the room. I knew she would come back and check in on me again.  She always did that when I was sick. She didn’t used to though, she wasn’t always so paranoid about every little thing.

Before my dad died, she was a regular mom. But now she worries about me and Lindsay way too much. But I don’t want think about that. I haven’t thought about my dad in awhile now. But I like it that way, I don’t like being sad. I hated it. I don’t want anyone to see me being weak.

Thinking about my dad, made me think about Kayla. Kayla was dead now too.

I remember when I introduced Kayla and my dad.

They hit it off right away, and I couldn’t have been happier. I was really close with my dad, and I was glad he approved of Kayla.

I truly loved her. Loved. I loved her. But now? Something, I don’t know what, changed.  It was in love with her a day ago. Even when I found out she was dead, I still loved her. I hadn’t realized that I stopped, maybe it because she moved on. She moved on months ago, while just a day ago, I finally got over her.

Kayla’s funeral was in a few days. I was scared. I don’t know if I could face Kayla. I couldn’t face the girl that I loved for the past two years and say goodbye without breaking down in tears. And there is no way in hell I'm letting anyone see that.

Especially not Haley. I couldn’t let her see me all weak, I had to be strong for her. What wait am I saying?  Strong for Haley? Where did that thought come from?

I slowly reached for laptop. I had to keep watching these videos. I had to. If I didn’t, I would never be able to forgive myself, no matter how much it hurt me to watch them.

*BUZZ*

My phone vibrated but I didn’t care who it was it was vibrating all day. It was probably one of my friends asking where I was. I mean being out for one day is okay, doesn’t really require a call or text, but after another day of no one hearing from me, they get worried.

I opened up my laptop, and clicked on the next video.

Do you ever just want to just stay at one place forever? That you just never want anyone to come, you don’t ever want to leave and you just want to be alone. That’s how I always feel. I didn’t feel like my life was even worth living.

A large amount of light came behind her. The sun. I don’t think she has ever made a video outside, and when it is not night.

I recognized that building. That was our school. Well, the back of it anyway.

I became depressed, and tried to shut the world out. I spent all of September hiding myself.  I built a wall, but people tore it down, leaving me homeless.

Kayla wasn’t in a single one of my classes this year. But I heard rumors about her. Things about her family, I just pretended to not care. Deep down I did, but I was still in denial about loving her.

If I would have told her how I felt, would she still be here?

There were some people that I allowed in. Haley and my brother.

I cringe. If Anthony ever watched these videos I would dead.

I couldn’t avoid people forever. It’s not like I could not talk to anyone. I tried but that never worked.

I try to pinpoint the last time I saw Kayla. I can’t remember.

Then my mom tried to break out of jail. It was in the news.