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Chapter 28: The Road to the Funeral

Haley’s POV

I didn’t know where I was going, where I was driving to, I had no idea. I knew I couldn’t go home, I was sick of being at home. I hated this, I hated all of this. I hated this pain; I hated driving away from my problems because I can’t deal with them. But most of all I hated leaving Tyler, I had to, I didn’t want him to see me cry. No one was.

I have been on the highway for the past hour, and I think that I’m just going keep going. I’m not turning back. Maybe I could just head to Michigan, Franklin tonight, instead of going with Tyler, tomorrow night. He wouldn’t mind if I left without him, it was about a four an half hour drive from where I lived, and I already was on this road for a little over an hour, so I only have about three more hours to go.

Damn, I didn’t think about this, I would have my mind all to myself, no school distractions, no people to talk to, just me and my stupid mind and the night road.

I turn on the radio, full blast, maybe music would distract me enough not to think about Kayla.

What would Kayla do, if she found out about me and Tyler. Would she be upset? Oh, who am I kidding, Tyler doesn’t care about me. He loves Kayla, not me. Why can’t I get through my head? He did say that he cared about me though, or was that just a friend caring about a friend?

I knew that he had broken up with Samantha, a few days ago, and people said he just called her and ended, without any warning. That’s what they think, that’s what everyone is saying, without a waning. No, Tyler found out that the one girl he loved was dead, and he realized what a fucking idiot he has been.

I glanced down at my phone, and saw my mom called me about five minutes ago. Wow, and I was only gone for the past few hours, way to pay attention to me mom. I texted her back saying that I was going to head up Michigan a bit early, and that I would be fine.

There are times when I wonder why, why did this all happen to me? If I would have gotten her into a mental hospital, under constant supervision, even if that meant everybody finding out, at least she would have been alive. If I just would have told someone, anyone. She would still be alive. I wish somebody would have told me that sometimes you need to think about whether a secret is worth keeping safe, or keeping the person safe. But nobody told me that, and I thought I could do both; the sad truth is, sometimes you can’t.

A tear escapes, and I wipe it away just as fast as it falls. Why can’t I stop thinking about this? Why do I have to keep it all inside? What is wrong with me?

I remembered in the woods before I left. Tyler, next to me, for the first time since Kayla died, I felt safe. Like all those stupid emotions, were finally free, and I felt happy, for a second. But then reality came back to me, all at once. It all came back to me, crushing my shoulders, and reminding me of my past. That no one could ever like me again, that I let Kayla kill herself, my best friend was dead, a stranger felt me up, my boyfriend touched my best friend, and I left her, that I had a one night stand with a complete stranger, and that I was Haley, the girl who lost everything. I can never be free. That when I started cry, I tried to push it away, but tears just kept coming, so I left. I couldn’t let Tyler see me cry.

Now I’m here, driving around headed to my best friend’s funeral, two days early, alone. When did my life get so fucked up?