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Chapter 31: It's Not Over

Haley’s POV

The smell of flowers and old lady perfume made my nose crinkle. I looked around the crowded room, it was supposed to be a private, small funeral for family only, but I saw some of Kayla’s second cousins, whom I have only met once, walking near the casket.

Kayla’s funeral was harder for me than I expected, I thought I would be able to greet people, walk up to Kayla’s coffin and say my final goodbyes. I hadn’t done any of that. People were staring at me, whispering, that was her best friend. I saw the line of people walking up to Kayla’s coffin, and I wanted to throw up. It hit me; I was at my best friend’s funeral.

I had to get out of here, out of this area, I couldn’t take it. But I knew I couldn’t leave, I had to go up and say a “few words about Kayla”, as what her dad called it, when he called me up on Sunday and asked me to do. I almost had declined the offer, I am so broken and depressed, I didn’t think I could handle talking about Kayla in front of others, but I heard the desperation in his voice, it lingered with me long after our talk, I knew I couldn’t say no.

I had my speech memorized, the only thing I was worried about was me crying, or leaving in the middle of it. I couldn’t do that; they can’t know how much I’m hurting inside. They can’t know how much I’m dying inside, no one can.

I look across the room, to see Tyler, staring at the coffin, then quickly looking back down, I could tell he was trying to make himself go up there, but just couldn’t. I couldn’t either. I take a breath and walk over to him. He sees me approaching, and looks away, which would make sense I hadn’t said a single word since we got here. He tried to speak to me when we first arrived, but there were no words that would come out of my mouth. I went to the corner far away from the coffin, Tyler followed. He tried to comfort me, but I pushed away. Eventually, after me telling him to go away multiple times, he did. A part of me wished he hadn’t.

 “Hey,” Tyler said quietly, while shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Hi,” I breathed back. An uncomfortable silence suddenly filled the air between us. Maybe it was because we were in deep thought or that we were standing in the middle of Kayla’s funeral.

“I’m sorry,” I said, finally breaking the silence, “I didn’t mean to ignore you earlier, I just, uh, I just couldn’t talk to you, or anyone else,”

“I understand, it’s just, it’s hard Haley,” He said scratching his head.

“What’s hard,” I asked, already knowing the answer. It was hard being friends with me, I knew it, especially now.

“I really care about you Haley, and I know you care about me, but why do you keep pushing me away?” He asked, his face full of sadness and discomfort from having to admit this to me, and I knew that was hard to ask me. I blinked a few times, unsure of how to answer.

“I’m just scared, okay? I don’t want to care about someone and have them leave me, again,” I said, my voice shaking, and my eyes blinking past the tears. Tyler pulls me in for a hug, suddenly making my threatening tears go away.