Confessions Anonymous 2

791 - 800

#AnonymousConfessions 791:
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

#AnonymousConfessions 792:
One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused – you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my ass?

#AnonymousConfessions 793:
If life expectancy is 75 and you kill a 74-year-old, you only have to spend one year in prison. If life expectancy is 75 and you kill an 80-year-old, five years credit.

#AnonymousConfessions 794:
10 REASONS YOU KNOW YOU BOUGHT A BAD COMPUTER
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Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"The only chip inside is a Dorito.You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

#AnonymousConfessions 795:
Figured some jokes would be nice ^.^ there ya'll go

#AnonymousConfessions 796:
Okay cool that makes sense! (btw this is the person who posted the rant at like 777 or whatevs)

#AnonymousConfessions 797:
Feels like he is a jerk.

#AnonymousConfessions 798:When I visited America, I helped feed the llamas on a California ranch. Now there were three llamas, a males and two females. One was pregnant. I fed the pregnant one, and went to feed the other girl... and she attacked me! Like she llama-yelled and chased me across the field! I dropped the food and ranXD I guess she got me.:P

#AnonymousConfessions 799:
Confessor 764.

H texted, said he was sorry for being too busy to reply. We had a chat last night. He was saying I distracted him from his work the night he saw me, and he was looking at me from the bar. I asked him why he didn't ask for my no. and he said that he would have been any other guy if he had done that and he wanted to be...remembered and different? After the chat I feel like he's some kind of a douche bag though. He's handsome and obviously gets girls all around, he was hinting on sexting and I've never done that neither do I want to do it regardless of how hot the guy is. I kinda felt disgusted and was trying to change the topic by taking it in a lighter note. I haven't even casually made out with a guy without being in a relationship so this sexting thing is kind of a huge deal.
My crush feelings for him are starting to disappear.
Looks can be deceiving. He was really handsome though. You guys want to see him?

#AnonymousConfessions 800:
If this confession comes at 800th position, the world will end tomorrow