A Second Chance

chapter eight

It had been a week since I was released from the hospital. Every day seemed the same to me. I would wake up from a nightmare and stay up scared to fall asleep until I couldn't hold on anymore. Then Mark would wake me up with breakfast, we would talk for a bit then he would grab my dishes and clean up. After he was done he would help me get ready for the day then put me back to bed, he would turn on the tv kiss me goodbye and leave for work. The routine never changed and a darkness started forming in my head, getting bigger everyday. I was alone all the time with no one to talk too which allowed my mind to escape and take over. 

Today was nothing different I awoke from a nightmare which I can never escape. It was 3:30 in the morning, still pitch black outside and the apartment was quite. I couldn't pull myself up so I lied still starting at the ceiling. Furious about the PTSD nightmares I still had they were worse than the shooting, but I didn't want help. Not after last time. Living the nightmare was one thing but having to consistently talk about it to someone I do not know was another. I wondered why me, why Lexie? What had I done to deserve this. To deserve the PTSD from the plane crash, to deserve the legs that hardly work. What had I done to get this in return? I glanced at the clock it read 4:30. I was not shocked that I was still awake. I turned to Mark, he was going to be getting up soon to start his day. He didn't know about my nightmares, well he did. He knew I had them, we both did but he didn't know how extreme mine were. No one knew. It was something I kept to myself. 

I stared at him sleeping, he slept so peacefully something I will never get. Mark rolled over and made eye contact with me. 

"why are you awake Lex?" he asked

"watching the sunrise" I lied

The view from our bedroom was something I had always admired. We were able to see the sunrise from our window and it was always beautiful. 

As I stared at the sunrise Mark got up and headed out of our bedroom, probably to make his breakfast. Another thing I hated was that I missed the mornings we used to have together. The mornings were we would lie in each others arms watching the sunrise or the mornings where we would eat breakfast together, sometimes with Callie, Arizona, and Sofia. 

An hour passed and I was still in bed, the only thing that changed was that Mark was showering and he kindly made me breakfast. 

"All done?" he asked heading out of the bathroom 

"yeah" I sighed and he walked over and took a seat on the side of the bed

"Whats up Lex?" he asked brushing my hair from my face

I shook my head "Nothing, I'm fine. Really I'm great" I assured him

"Lex" He said more concerned "If there is anything bothering you, you can tell me you know"

"I know. I'm fine Mark" I lied

I think he believed me because he jumped over the bed and began brushing my hair. Oh! did I mention that he does that to now? He knows my hands work but he uses the excuse of me not being able to use the bathroom mirror so he can do my hair and to be honest he isn't that bad. He's no professional but he has improved, probably because he has had practiced on Sofia. 

He put my hair in a ponytail leaving my bangs out, kissed me goodbye and left for work. This was the time I hated. The time were I was alone and had nothing but my thoughts all to myself. Time went by slowly and my dark thoughts increased.

 'I am nothing, I won't be able to work for a least a year maybe more, I won't be able to move from this bed. I will never be normal again!'

"I am so sick of people helping me, I am so sick of being broken, I am so sick of being me" I screamed