Even After All This Time (Tayley)

Chapter 32: Just keep cramming ideas down my throat

Five years ago

Hayley's POV

We were on our way to the doctors office. It was the visit where we would find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I didn't want to know. I don't want to have any connection with this baby, just to throw it away.

"Hayley, babe, aren't you excited? We are gonna find out if there's a little boy or girl growing in there." Taylor says, a giant smile on his face as he places his hand on my bump. This stupid bump. This stupid baby. I can't wait for 20 more weeks till it's out. This stupid thing is making me so fat, I don't even fit in most of my clothes already. I've been forced to wear a lot of Taylor's shirts since mine don't fit over the bump.

"How can you be so excited? We aren't even keeping it. It's not even ours anymore. Once it's born, it's being given to a new family. Why are you putting any emotion into this? In the end, you're going to be left without a baby." I said, tears starting to well up in my eyes.

"Hayley, no matter who this baby goes it, it will always be ours. We created this baby together, nobody can deny that." Taylor said, a gentle smile on his face.

I didn't respond to him. I didn't want nor need to start a fight with him. We sat in silence for the rest of the car ride to the doctor's.

Once we got to the doctor's office, a nurse escorted us into a plain white room with photographs of babies and pregnant women. I laid down in the chair and waited for the doctor. Taylor stood next to me and squeezed my hand.

The doctor came in then and set up the ultrasound. "So do y'all wanna know if you're having a baby boy or a baby girl?" She asked with a small smile. It was evident she didn't approve of two teenagers having a baby.

"Yes," Taylor said with a giant smile and a squeeze of my hand.

"It looks like you're having a baby girl," the doctor said. "I'll leave you two alone to get cleaned up now." The doctor got up and walked out of the room.

I hurried up and gathered up my stuff before Taylor could say anything to me. We got back into the car, still in silence.

"Hayley, say something. What are you thinking about?" Taylor said exasperated.

"We aren't keeping this baby which is hard enough on me. But then all you're doing is putting so many feelings into this pregnancy which is making it even harder for me. To see how much you care now, it makes me think just how much you'd care if we were able to keep her. I just don't want to have too many feelings about this baby to throw them away the second I give birth to her. I can't do that Taylor." I said, tears pouring out of my eyes.

"What if we don't give her away?" Taylor said quietly.

"That's not a choice. We have to give her away. You saw our parents when we said I was pregnant. They almost killed us. The only thing that stopped them was that we agreed to give the baby up for adoption. Now we want to go back on that idea? No way. They'll kill us for sure.  Plus we are two teenagers, we are kids ourselves. We can't raise a baby. We don't know how to do it, we don't have the funds for it, and we both need to be in school. I'm not dropping out! I can't do that to myself." I said angrily.

"I guess you're right" Taylor said defeated.

"Taylor, I'm 15 I can't have a baby at this age. I'm only a sophomore in high school. I'm not giving up on my future for a stupid baby! Once we are out of college, we can have a kid and keep it, but not now. And nothing you say will make me change my mind."

We pulled up to my house at that point

"I just wish..." Taylor said quietly.

"No. I can't and I won't." I said, getting out of the car and slamming the door.