Train Wreck

two

*Reminder there was a trigger warning at the beginning of this book as it will address topics like death, grief, loss, trauma, and mental health issues like depression, anxiety, self-harm, and addiction.  Please proceed with caution but when in doubt, set my book aside and take care of yourself first.

You are what is most important.*

Remington POV

Too deep....

It's too deep....He's too far away....

"I CAN'T!!  REESE!!!  I CAN'T!!!"

I bolted up with a gasp, waking from a power nap that turned into a flash nightmare.  My body shook as I breathed deeply, calming my nerves slowly. My throat was sore and I rubbed my neck, eyes wandering the train car as my mind cleared the remains of memories I need to leave packed away.  

Knowing home was a few hours away must be stirring up the dust of my past, but if I can stay in the present maybe that will help me move ahead.

Maybe I could have trained harder, learned to swim faster... if I had done more, I could have saved him. It always was my fault.  I failed him.  I had one job to do and I failed him.

The train continued its path through the mountains, trees blossoming in the gorgeous late May midday sun.  I realized that with a dozen rows, one seat on either side, we had a decent width aisle which allowed me to have reasonable legroom even if the journey had been sold out. My arms reached over my head, fingertips brushing the underside of the ceiling, but I quickly realized this exposed part of my stomach and sat properly

I need to get my head in the game... this is not going to work if I can't focus. I didn't know it would be THIS bad... It's like the closer I get, the more I feel Reese...

A woman caught my eye as I fought the demon that tried to gaslight me on a daily basis.  Something about her struck me as different, quieting those voices to a whisper.  Her face seemed sad without being desperate... like somehow she unlocked the key to how you can exist in a world without hope.

Then she smiled at me.

I was dead wrong.  

She has hope.

The smile was faint but gave me a feeling I've missed out on for... wow, for over fifteen years.  Once I thought about it I was shocked.  Her face was pale, cut cheekbones and alert expression like her mind was always alive, with dark waves barely contained in a long braid that trailed down her shoulder.  Her eyes held mine a moment but I noticed a blush begin to creep up her neck as a boy across the way caught her attention.  Their exchange seemed playful, a crinkle of her nose giving my heart another flutter before the boy appeared to make his way toward the restrooms.

My mind wandered a moment, checking my phone and idly swiping through Facebook before noticing the woman's companion a split second before he passed my seat.

Reese?

His eyes caught mine in passing, my body turning as if by instinct toward him.  The boy smiled slightly, ducking into the restroom while I sat back into my seat properly and tried to collect my thoughts.

Okay... that woman is gorgeous, and the boy she is with looks just like Reese.  But... there's no way... Reese would be like 18 now if ... and he died, so that can't... and this kid isn't that old.... wow, get your head together, Remington....

BZZ BZZ BZZ BZZ

DAD: Can't wait to see you, son.  Thank you for coming home.  I know this is the last thing in the world you wanted to do, but it means everything to me.  I love you.