Train Wreck

sixty-two

ALICE POV

"What's wrong with him?"  Annoyance was dripping from Benji's harsh whisper while he limped down the front steps.  I shushed him quickly, looking over my shoulder to check that Remington still sat quietly on a stool at the kitchen counter.

"Benji, shut it..."  My voice was sharper than I intended but I have to make sure my brother watched his words.

The last thing Remington needs when he's spinning out is more judgment. He's already so hard on himself. Every move is calculated and overthought to a level I never would have imagined seeing his cool exterior.  

If we can offer extra grace and a little room to breathe, maybe he will have a shot at changing the narrative and healing.

Coming back to this house was a huge step.  I knew it would be difficult and trigger painful memories of the family he once had, especially now that Greg is gone.  It was a relief that Remi knew he was safe with me and shared his heart, but the reality was now in front of our eyes.

Now we have to do the hard work.

Benji's eyes fell to the gravel driveway as he sighed.  I reached out to rub his arm while grabbing a laundry basket packed with pots and pans from the car. "I'm sorry, Beep. Remi is just processing a ton right now so his mind is racing. He needs space to give those thoughts room without our criticism."

I noticed a spark of realization in his bright eyes and saw a gentle nod, "Oh, shit, and I just assumed something was wrong when really he needs time? That wasn't nice of me..."

Benji's eyes drifted back to the house but I smiled softly and let out a long breath. "All we can do is give each other a lot of grace. That's the best any of us can offer.  Be super patient, and give each other space when we need it."

He smiled and seemed to have an idea, grabbing one of the bags with cleaning supplies. "I'll start on the fridge so the Gatorades can get cold faster!"

"You're brilliant, Beep!" My voice carried as he hobbled back into the house but I stayed outside another moment, breathing deeply to ground myself before entering the lion's den.

Remington's grief is so palpable I had a hard time breathing when told him to take a seat.

He has lost so much and been left behind so often.

Abandonment is something we both struggle to shake, so I can understand a piece of his trauma. My heart broke when he told me how much it hurts to know his mom moved on and left him behind, especially when I did my own search on Facebook to see her family including kids and now grandkids.

She literally left him in the dust.

I can understand why she wanted to leave her husband for being a cheater, but her child?  Her teenage son did nothing wrong and should never have been blamed for their marital issues.  Kids should not be held accountable for their parent's problems, especially when they are completely unaware of what is happening.  Using your child as a pawn is just wrong.

There was part of my soul that heard Clara's voice begging me to show more kindness.  That maybe, just maybe, there was even more to the story that I did not know.  It was difficult to leave room for every aspect of this narrative so the only thing I could do was help Remi eat this new elephant one bite at a time.

Just breathe, sweet girl... he needs you but you won't be any good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself first.  Keep breathing and focus.  You have a lot of work to do so tuck those feelings away.  You can focus on them later.

The reminder came along with a cool summer breeze, filling my lungs with fresh air and the scent of roses from bushes that were overgrown in front of the wraparound porch.  I smiled and took a better look at the front of this gorgeous farmhouse, realizing there was more than enough space for the large swing I wanted Remington to build for us.