Train Wreck

twenty four

Remington POV

My typical running playlist was louder than I realized when I slid my headphones on so I scrambled to turn down the volume. It was midmorning before I sat down at the patio table, laptop bag at the ready.  Dad and I decided to spend our morning getting things done.  He was rifling through mail and had a phone call with the lawyer to work on his estate after his new nurse arrived.  I knew that would take awhile so I set up on the deck for some fresh air.

My mind was buzzing with all the news but I needed to focus.

Travis Barker and Trippie Redd/s song "Without You" came on and I felt my blood pump while reviewing emails and analyzing data.  The beat is typically one I enjoy when I'm running but the pain throughout my body was a reminder that it will take time before I can be back to normal.

Normal.

Do I even want normal?

What does that even mean now?

I took off my headphones and went back into the house, grabbing a cup of coffee and snack as well as a bottle of Gatorade before I headed back out to the deck.  Dad made up some bacon and eggs earlier but sometimes Pop Tarts just sound good.  We took a page from Alice's book the previous day and had a grocery order delivered so I made sure to add a few of my favorite snack items. Dad chuckled at my Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts choice but I shrugged, admitting my palette was not as refined as I'd like but that doesn't matter.

The morning air was warming but still felt crisp.  After settling back into my seat and unwrapping the pastries, I started eating while my playlist shuffled and started "Without You" again.  I stared at the trees and sky, thinking about the lyrics and all they meant. Getting to know Alice had me considering things differently now so the line "I know you are a star" struck me differently

She really is a star.

Everything we learned about Benji just cemented her place in my heart.

The moments we shared starting back on the train, saving one anothers lives, and into the forest where her constant peace calmed me just proved how incredible Alice really was.

I wouldn't say I'm in pain without her, but I definitely don't like the idea of returning to Atlanta full time.

My mind was made up. Jesse and I spoke about this the previous day when we had a chance and he agreed with my choice.

The message box I was drafting to my boss was empty but my heart knew what I needed to say.

I knew what I needed to do.

Within a few keystrokes I sent a message letting them know I needed an indefinite leave of absence from the Atlanta branch due to my father's health.  I requested the opportunity to work remotely, save a few random meetings which I would be more than happy to travel back to attend, and expressed willingness to continue working if they can accommodate my needs. Since I've been a member of this firm for over five years and have plenty of respect from my associates I had a feeling this was going to be a smooth transition either way.

My company trusts my judgment and knows I would never make this decision lightly.

The message was sent before I even realized I had typed it. For the first time in years, my instincts guided my path instead of anxiety.

I want to stay here.  I want to stay with Dad and make sure I can support him, no matter how long he has left.

I need to be here even after he passes to handle his estate. Even if he is gone soon it will be some time before I could really be back at my full capacity. There is so much to deal with and sort out. I know he has stock options and there will be more to work out now that Benji has a stake in our family.