Train Wreck

sixty-five

Remington POV

Lissy's chest rose and fell softly as she slept against the corner of her.. Our?... couch. 

I froze at the idea of the word "Ours."

Is all of this ours?

The house?  Peach, this puppy that just brought me her stuffed Bowser to throw across the room?  The furniture?

The farmhouse is ours but what about everything else?

I stared a long moment and mused while Benji quietly cheered, evidently winning another game of Catan on his Switch against Daisy. They started competing about an hour prior Liss fell asleep, allowing me the chance to get some work done on my laptop while he was occupied.  My brain adjusted quickly to charts and graphs but every time she shifted I felt my heart pulse with love for the woman napping on my right.

"Should we get her to bed?" he asked, stretching his bum leg before standing from the cozy chair. His boot rested against the coffee table but I knew he would probably leave it out here for the night. Benji didn't usually wear it around the house when he could balance against furniture and the walls, which even Doc agreed was fine at this point.

We were all hoping that he would get a walking boot this week.  I knew he had his heart set on being more comfortable for our road trip, especially since the drive would be easier without his cast and the heavy plastic casing his leg was stuck in most of the day.  Doc confirmed he was healing well after so many setbacks and considering how diligent Ben was with physical therapy I had a good feeling things would finally work out in his favor.

Something needs to finally go right for the kid.

I nodded, yawning before I could respond. "It's almost eleven so more than late enough for bedtime. I'll take Peach out so head on to bed."

Benji yawned with a smirk then wished me a good night, carefully limping to his room while I stared at the woman I love in awe.

She shoulders so much with grace. I knew springing our road trip on her was a mistake when we had our middle of the night talk but was glad she told me her feelings. It hurt to see how deeply I wounded her but I could see where she was coming from.  Lissy was so transparent but still kept her guard up in some situations with everyone else so hearing her vulnerability with me was a surprise.

 My Dad and I worked on our own so much that I wasn't used to considering others in my plans.

Change is hard, and as Ben grows older he will need her to continue shifting their relationship.

When she spoke about feeling abandoned I knew how deep those wounds ran. I felt the same way, thinking back to Mom leaving after Reese died.  The way I cringed watching my friends hug their moms as they left home before going to football games or on Graduation day, how they talked easily about Mom making their favorite dessert for their birthdays or a special occasion.

I remembered feeling so lonely when holidays came around and we would order Seb's or have Chinese food while my friends posted photos of huge Turkey dinners on their social media.

I didn't want to be an extra place setting.

I wanted to belong.

That's what I've finally found with Alice and Ben.

We share some trauma and can relate to one another, even though that's not always a good thing. If I could protect them from any harm, I would, but that's not reality. The best I can do is try to be aware of my actions so in the future I do better. Like we keep saying, if we're a team, we have to communicate and try to work together.