Train Wreck

forty

BENJI POV

My stomach was so full I thought I was going to be sick.

First it was the steak, which Remington grilled perfectly. Like, the best medium rare ever with perfect diamond grill marks and just the right amount of char. Then there was Mom's pasta salad recipe that Lissy made and all the other sides she and Daisy put together.

And then the cake.

Greg was right.

Lissy makes it better than Mom ever did.

She adds more ginger and cinnamon to the batter, plus she is the one who thought to add cinnamon to the cream cheese icing.  I remember the first time she added cinnamon to the icing back when she made this cake one year for Dad's birthday about a year before they died.  Mom noticed and was so impressed, complimenting Liss over and over for being such a great chef and trusting her gut.

My sister just beamed.  I think that might have been when she really fell in love with baking.

I leaned back in my chair after taking a long drink of water, watching my sister interact with our new friends and my new... family?  I guess?

Maybe my therapist is right.

The session today was the hardest one I've had in a long time.

He asked me to bring Lissy in about halfway through since I was getting uncomfortable with all the questions about Greg and Remington. I didn't want to be asked about starting a new family with them.

I don't think I need to start a new family.

Why can't I leave things as they are?

Lissy came into the room and tried to explain that to my therapist but he didn't really understand. She was frustrated, too, and told me later that she filled her therapist Raina in so she can help us figure out what to do next.

My therapist just said that I should try to build a bond with Greg since he's my bio dad and is dying soon.  Of course that's true, but that doesn't mean he's my dad.

I didn't like the idea that I had to give up Lissy to have a family with Greg and Remington.

The therapist also got on Lissy's case for not giving me enough privacy. It was a good point but I just hope she doesn't back away entirely.

I need her... now, more than ever.

"So, Benji?" Greg started, letting out a sigh as he set down his fork after a second piece of cake. "What's your favorite dessert?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes, turning my head to Lissy.

She must have told them.

My sister was curled in a ball, giggling with her hands covering her face while she leaned toward Remington. His arm was wrapped around her back and he laughed, giving me a look that told me I was right.

"Alice Maryanne Davidson, did you sell me out?" I used the firmest tone I could but my voice cracked when I said her middle name, causing everyone to snicker at my attempt to be serious.

Lissy shook her head at me, wide eyes and mouth open.  "I don't know what you mean, Beep!"

Her fake innocence made me laugh, especially when she added my nickname.

No matter how old I am, I'll always be her Beep.

I turned to Greg with a long sigh, "As my sister probably already told you, I don't have a single favorite dessert. I don't want to be put in a box. I like basically everything and choose something different for basically every birthday."