Train Wreck

forty nine

Remington POV

I heard a rap at my bedroom door and cleared my throat before raising my voice to holler, "You can come in, Dad.  It's just us here."

He chuckled before opening the door and rolling his wheelchair into the room, watching as I finished buttoning the white linen shirt I chose for my first date with Alice.  I stuck with chinos that were dry cleaned and pressed so I could save myself some trouble with pants. That with nice brown leather Oxfords felt like a good balance between "fancy first date" and "I've been lounging with you on the couch while we nap on and off during "The Office" marathons."

I had to look perfect but knew ironing was not my strong suit.

I also didn't want to do too much. It's July in Georgia, so the oppressive heat made me cringe at the thought of wearing a full suit.

Calling myself nervous would be a massive understatement.

"Remington, you need to calm down..." Dad started, moving closer as I tried to slide another button through its hole and failed, fingers unable to maneuver due to my shaking hands.

I let out a frustrated sigh and sat down on the bed, groaning while my hands slapped the top of my legs. "I need to get a grip.  I'm gonna scare her away if I act like this. I'm spinning out and can't focus on anything."

He chuckled, patting my shoulder as he replied, "Well, Lissy knows what she's getting into with you.  She knows you well enough and has already seen you at your worst in that forest.  I don't think you have anything to worry about."

I breathed easier as soon as he mentioned the forest, my mind recalling those moments as a reassurance that Alice won't abandon me for being a spaz when she's stuck by my side during internal injuries and severe emotional trauma.

At this point she has seen more of my negative traits than positive. I chuckled as I recalled earlier in the day after our loaded nacho lunch as Liss cried laughing after I let out a belch so loud that it shook the couch. She had tears streaming down her face as she screeched, "I felt that in my soul!" while Dad waved his hands in the air and he tried to catch his breath, cracking up both at my embarrassment and her complete lack of composure.

The more time we spend together, the more time I need. I felt like every day there were new glimmers of her kaleidoscope shining, showing each of us how special her heart truly was.

"I just want to get this right. She deserves so much more than I can give her." My voice was quiet but I was able to button my shirt now, standing again as I caught my breath and continued getting dressed.

"You already did."

I turned and faced Dad, smiling as I asked, "What do you mean?"

He let out a sigh, eyes trained on the ground a long moment before he finally looked up and stared at me.  I felt every ounce of regret as he stated, "You chose the right woman and are loving her with all your heart, son. That's the right thing to do."

It took me pausing to brace myself before I could ask, "Do you regret not chasing after Clara?"

"I always will, but I can't change the past, and to be honest I also can't argue with how Lissy and Benji turned out."  Dad admitted this truth slowly, his brutal honesty a surprise as he continued with a shaky voice, "I always assumed I would feel like deep sense that I missed too much.  Of course I missed a lot, but Remi you have to admit that those two are amazing and if I had gotten involved... I can't promise they would have turned out the same."

All I could do was nod as he spoke, the reality of this reflection crashing down on me as I finished getting dressed and sprayed Dolce and Gabbana light blue for men cologne then used some pomade to keep my hair in place.