Train Wreck

forty seven

Remington POV

The smell of bacon wafted through the house as we ate. We stood in the kitchen and made scrambled eggs and bacon that we ate before it could get cold. I surveyed the scene and had to laugh, noticing how Peach was scampering around for any dropped pieces of bacon or eggs while Benji sat at the counter and just shook his head at us devouring food as soon as it was prepared.

This is how it usually was for me back in Atlanta.

I never cooked much for myself, but when I did it would be something pretty easy and I was usually halfway done with my meal before I even sat down to watch TV. Now I can hear Dad tease Trent about how many pieces of bacon he could eat while Kenny digs another bottle of hot sauce out of the pantry.

My new normal is something I still cannot wrap my head around. This feeling of connection with a found family is something that seems temporary. I've had it before with friend groups for a split second but lies and jealousy always ruin any chance of long term peace.

Now?

Now I can help my Dad make food with my buddies. I can grin at texts from Lissy as the guys tease me for being too whipped or call me a simp. They're not wrong. I admitted it and leaned into the jokes, especially since Trent watched along and giggled as Benji made the whip motion and mimicked the sound it would make every time Liss messaged me for awhile there. He could tell this was all being done out of love so there was a comfortable balance to the trolling.

We finished eggs and bacon but I started to realize maybe more food would be a smart idea. The game plan is for the gals to join us to enjoy smoked pork tenderloin for dinner, but for now I stared into the fridge and asked the guys what else we should dig into. Taylor suggested carbs and Kenny reminded us some of the salmon in the smoker would be ready soon since one of the pieces was pretty small.

"Guys... we have those bagels from the bakery plus cream cheese..." Dad spoke up, wiping his mouth and causing the rest of us to freeze in shock.

He's right. We have bagels.

We moved into action instantly, slicing and toasting bagels while Benji took a brick of cream cheese from the fridge and suggested softening it in the microwave.

Kenny cleared his throat, clapping a hand on my shoulder as he joined us in the small kitchen and I suddenly felt claustrophobic.  "Damn, it's getting tight in here!" I laughed, "I forget we're all big guys sometimes."

Taylor laughed, shaking his head as he hopped up on the counter to sit.  "I'll just get myself out of the way.  Should we do potatoes?"

I groaned, hand sliding to my stomach, "Guys.... I'm gaining weight fast and can't exercise yet.  I need to be more careful.."  They could tell I was partially joking by the way I laughed and shook my head but this was a topic that also made me extremely self conscious.  Benji and I talked about this a bit when he stayed the night, and I was relieved that he also struggled with his body image.  Maybe it's selfish, but at least my brother and I have another thing in common and can relate to each other even more.

Benji chimed in, nodding his head from the counter as he sat with Trent. "Yeah, plus you said you don't feel well when you can't run so you probably want to be more careful about what you eat."

"Exactly, Benji. I know food is fuel but I love all the desserts and amazing meals. I just have to... I mean... I guess I just need to stop myself more." I smiled, thankful he said something so I felt less pressure about pushing away from more food. Lissy never makes me feel bad, but when life goes sideways food is a comfort. I can feel myself turning to desserts when I think about Dad's final days or relive moments from my childhood.