Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

Bridge and the Brig

The morning found us still moving slowly back towards New York, and sitting in the saloon seemed torture at this point. To see all the crying people, and to feel nothing for them. It was as if the sadness that I had felt had frozen back out on the water, turning me icy. It was not that I did not recognize their pain, but merely that it did not affect me, my own vow to be strong preventing me from feeling as they did. I stirred in Will's arms, sitting up. He blearily opened his eyes, "Ana?"

I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Stay Will, I will get us something warm." I stumbled to my feet, still stiff and painful after last night. A steward was more than happy to give me a couple of cups of coffee and two bowl of oatmeal. At this point I didn't care what he gave me, so long as it was hot. I did ask him to send another telegram for me, telling our staff to have our carriages and auto waiting in New York. I brought the food back to our little spot on the floor, Will had sat up and cleared a small space away from the blankets that we had wrapped around ourselves, an impromptu table. I set the food down and sat. "Here, breakfast."

Will moved slowly, drinking his coffee more than eating his oatmeal. He still had the look about him that he barely noticed anything, except for when I reached over to gently touch his arm. He looked up, "Ana, do you know what is happening? I am so tired, I fear I cannot remember anything from last night."

I drained the last bit of coffee from my cup, wishing that I could forget last night too. I usually hated coffee, it was so bitter, but it was hot, and it warmed me through. "I think we are headed back to New York, I wired forward to have our people waiting for us."

"Us?" Will spooned up another helping of steaming oatmeal.

"I'm not letting you room in some hotel." I grumbled as I stirred my own breakfast, "Like I said last night, tell the other officers, you're all going to be staying with me until we can get you back on your feet."

His spoon clattered down. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to." I caught his eyes, and reached over and grabbed his hand. He hadn't protested this much last night, we were both so exhausted. "I am not letting you out of my sight once we get to the city, Will. You will stay with me, and everything I have will be at your disposal."

"You shouldn't be doing all that."

I moved myself across the floor, kissing his cheek when I neared. "Go ahead and ask Mr. Lowe about beating my stubborn mind."

"Lowe?"

"He didn't want me to row back. I refused to leave, I was deadset on it." I closed my eyes, breathing as I shoved the memory of going back far down in my mind. "So really Will, just go along with it. It will be much easier for you." He chuckled at that, and I kissed him properly. "See, there you are."

His breath was warm as it brushed against my lips, "I should find the other officers then. Let them know about the arrangements you've made." He struggled up, the clothes on him still swimming as he stood. He brushed at his trousers, "Although first I will see if my own clothes are clean. You should see one of the stewards, get everything cleaned up." It was fairly obvious he was putting last night behind him, and I was unwilling to revisit it now in the light of day.

I put on my biggest smile. "Getting clean sounds wonderful." He nodded, grabbing a steward who was walking by and relaying our requests. We were quickly directed to the appropriate areas, and a stewardess was more than happy to provide me with a donated dressing gown to wear while my gown and everything else was taken away and cleaned. I made sure to grab my little matchbook and message from my coat, tucking them into a pocket on the dressing gown.

The stewardess ran me a hot bath, and I could have stayed for hours it felt so good. I knew I was still cold, bu when I felt the heat penetrate down into my very bones, it seemed they fairly cracked as the cold was driven away. By the time the water had cooled down I was ready to get out, and swiftly dried myself off. A clean chemise had been provided, and I drew the dressing gown on over it. The stewardess assured me she would bring my clothes to me as soon as they were clean, and I went back to the saloon.