Astrophile

021

Another month went by with the blink of an eye. The temperature had started to drop and you watched as the people you cared about started growing further and further away.

Emma avoided eye contact with you at school.

If Baji saw you on the streets, he would take a different turn.

If Manjirō caught sight of you at the convenience store, he would walk to another aisle.

Mitsuya would stare at you longingly at the park but then after seeing you give him the cold shoulder, he stopped visiting the park.

Kazutora didn't talk as much with you anymore, just following you around and holding your hand in school.

Shinichirō, Takeomi, Wakasa, and Keizo were God-knows-where and you wanted it to stay that way.

The weather was cold, but your heart felt colder. The familiar warmth of being surrounded by the people you care about, the warmth that you were starting to get accustomed to, it had been months since you felt that warmth.

You never hated the cold more than the autumn of 1995. This time, the cold was mocking you of how everyone left you; or more specifically, how you made them leave. This time, cold chilled you to your bones and you despised it with all your heart.

"Sorry [Last Name]-kun, I have to go run some errands so you go ahead without me..." Kazutora said and you nodded, not in the mood to talk any further.

Even with a scarf that was wrapped around your neck, you felt like you were freezing. You silently watched a group of friends laughing and playing, showing each other their new clothes.

You just watched, hoping you'd feel anything, even anger or annoyance... but you felt nothing. You just felt tired, and watching them go by made you even more tired. The cycle kept on going as you watched people pass by happily and got drained of your energy.

It got to the point where you felt that you might throw up if you watch people enjoy themselves one more time. It finally clicked in you; envy.

You were envious...

You never felt this feeling before, probably because you were raised with the thought that you were a useless person, someone who didn't deserve anything. But then you finally got something, finally made friends. And they made you feel loved and appreciated, made you feel like you did indeed deserve love.

And now that you were stripped of it, you felt envious of people who still had someone they could hold close. You let out a small puff of air before settling down under a nearby tree of a park. You had wandered off somewhere near Kabukichoū. You felt familiar as you had often wandered here in this park after school, not wanting to see the same cage-like house.

The leaves had already started to turn orange as many of them fell down from the branches and onto the cold water in small pond.

The ducks made a uniform line in front of you as they waddled behind their mother. You looked at the duck in the very front, the mother who was leading all her children, turning back to look at them if they were following.

Even a duck was a better mother than your own mother. You grit your teeth in frustration, your glare hardening at the poor mother duck. You were so lost in mentally cursing your mother that you didn't notice someone creeping behind you.

"Hey, you okay?"

A voice startle you and you immediately turned back to see a boy with blonde hair. He looked about the same age as you, if not, older. He had dark, black eyes and slicked back hair. He had a very tall stature and a piercing in his left ear.