Love Punched | COMPLETED

40. Strained

(Lila's P.O.V)

Ready for school and glancing in the mirror one last time, I wondered if I should apply some concealer because my eyes looked like an out of place pair of pufferfishes.

It wasn't that I was fully recovered, it was just that I was familiar with this practiced dance. I could keep myself calm and detached until the memory would be a ghost locked inside the deepest recesses of my mind.

I was still shaken, of course but I knew I had to function. So I turned around the horrible memory into incentive and fuel for my revenge.

That always worked.

Deciding against use of any make-up, I flattened my hands over my stomach and stared at myself in the mirror.

Alright, you can go back to being your normal self now, Lila.

I exhaled and then rushed down the stairs, ignoring the way memories from a few hours ago assaulted me.

Me crying and shaking and sobbing. An utter mess.

And Derek soothing and comforting me, uttering words that made my heart race now.

At times, I pondered over why I was still alive after so much.

And Mellisa's voice would pop in, saying, "Live." And I'd find my reason to be alive.

It was so complicated yet so simple.

To have the guy I had such conflicting feelings for see me in all my vulnerable states made me scared.

I was so broken, so prickly. Why would he like me?

Throwing open the door and feeling the humid heat in the air, I stepped out like I hadn't just spent my morning crying in the arms of a guy I was supposed to hate.

Locking the door behind me, my mind wandered back to Derek.

When he'd called out to me, drunk off his ass and explained the reason behind that state of his being the exposure of Ally's cheating, I couldn't bear to turn him away.

My feelings were growing stronger and stronger and I could no longer deny them.

I liked Derek when I should hate him.

But I couldn't.

He was the worst person to like because of his position with the Gambinos but I was powerless to his charms.

Derek had wiggled his way into my life and under my skin and into my heart without my knowledge until it was too late.

But with the fresh reminders of what Roy had done and how Tatiana was acting currently, I felt so torn.

Roy was the monster in my nightmares and in my memories.

Derek was the hero who made the darkness spill away to show me light and smiles.

But he was entrenched in the same darkness and every time I was unsure of which side he might pick.

Me or Her.

A broken girl or his Mafia ex?

It pained me to think of the two together but the truth was irreversible. I also knew that I had an easy solution to all of my problems: Simply talk to Derek.

I didn't even have to spill all my guts. If he wasn't scared after yesterday, then he was made up of thicker skin than I thought.

But it was easier said than done. I couldn't imagine facing him.