┊01. Parents who care

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How are you supposed to tell a well structured story when your life is absolute chaos?

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How are you supposed to tell a well structured story when your life is absolute chaos?

I can't start my story with a once upon a time or in a land far, far away. Because I'm really just a struggling girl that lives in Ohio.

So I guess this is how I'll start my story;

I'm a pop star.

Sometimes I love it-well I guess I make myself love it. My dad was a singer. Was. But that's a story for another time. I honestly don't even know I like singing or if I'm just trying to make my dad proud.

It's my fault he's dead.

I want him to be proud of me but I feel like I'm a robot some days. The world is brutal and sometimes, it's hard. They find your biggest insecurity and use it against you; beating you to the ground with it.

The world sees me as a happy girl, living the perfect life. That's how it should be. Perfect. But my life's far from perfect.

I'm so stressed all the time I developed anxiety and after my dad's death, insomnia.

I wasn't always this...messed up. Growing up in the public eye obviously wasn't normal. I've been homeschooled almost my whole life. Not to mention I have hardly any friends.

I'm originally from Italy so the few friends I have are mostly from there. I do have Ray though. I guess that's good.

Ray's dad is my manager so we're together a lot.

We get along and I adore him but, it's hard not having another girl around. I live in a house with five boys; My brother, my three step brothers, and my step dad.

My mom was the one that dragged Jayden, my brother and I to Ohio. I didn't like the idea and I still don't. She loves to make my life hard and at this point I think of my mom as more of a roommate than a mom.

She's at "work" all the time and only comes home to have dinner and sleep. Just like a roommate.

My stepdad's the same way. I mean, I'm 17. I can take care of myself but with the life I live it's nice to just have one normal thing in my life.

Like parents who care.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

I get off my bed, locking my diary away before walking over to my closet. Jayden and I started going on these runs in the morning before everything gets stressful. That means getting up at 4:00 in the morning.

I grab a bright red sports bra, tall, white Nike socks, and black, high waisted leggings. I only wear high waisted things. It's one of the little things that I pride myself on doing.

Plus high waisted things hide my stomach better.

I grab my Apple watch and put it on behind my bracelets. Every bracket has some meaning behind it and I never take them off. They're kinda like tattoos for the underage.

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