Adopted by Billie Eilish

seventeen

*time skip*

               
  September 1st, 2019

"wake up." i felt someone tapping me lightly. "gabby wake up." this time they are pushing me. "gabriella o'connell get your ass out of bed its 11am." i fluttered open my eyes to be met by my mons face.

"exactly billie. its 11 fucking am on a saturday. leave me to sleep." i hid my head into the pillow. i'm not in the mood for this today. AT ALL.

i felt the duvet being pulled so i clung onto it like my life depended on it. it pretty much did.

you're probably slightly confused; its been a month now. i've spiralled into a depressive episode and i haven't been eating for the past few days. nor have i left my room for that matter.

i've been self harming multiple times a day on my arms and on my legs. me being the dumbass i am slept in shorts and a tshirt last night because it was hot as fuck so if billie sees my cuts i'm completely and utterly fucked. i promised billie i hadn't self harmed in a long time and she actually believed it. stupid bitch.

if you couldn't tell i hate everyone right now. even billie. we have been arguing so much lately. i mean its normal though. every teenage girl argues with their mom.

i think you're caught up now.

"gabby i'm going to leave the room and if you're not out of bed in the next two minutes i swear to god we are going to have problems." she said sternly.

"k fuck you then." i muttered as she was walking out my door. her head snapped around to me, she sighed and walked out. i already know i'm going to have my ear talked off about that later.

as the door closed, i jumped out of bed and threw on a hoodie and sweatpants. then got back into bed to resume my sleep.

not even 30 fucking seconds later, billie barged into my room and ripped the duvet away. "get up." she said. "go away." i deadpanned. "get your ass out of bed. now." she raised her voice. every single time someone yells at me i cry. its a habit.
"go away billie!" i yelled, tears pricking my eyes. "no. get the fuck out of bed im sick of this shit!" and with that i was gone.

tears streaming my face and loud sobs racking my body. "get the fuck out of my room!" i yelled. billie just looked at me. "please." i begged. billie sighed and left the room.

i didn't mean to snap at her. but who the fuck picks an argument with a hormonal nearly 16 year old girl whose just woken up? what did she think i was going to say. 'okay mommy. i love you'. like no shut the fuck up and leave.

i grabbed my phone off my nightstand and went to the bathroom. i locked the door. i sat against the door with the cold sharp blade in my palm. just once more. then i will stop. i pulled up my sleeve and reopened all my cuts. i grabbed tissue paper and started to clean the blood off them. i flushed the tissue down the toilet and walked back to my room.

i was immediately overwhelmed with gut wrenching guilt. i felt bad for shouting at billie. shes done everything for me and right now i'm acting like a brat. she probably just wanted to spend time with me and i screamed in her face. shes probably regretting her decision to take me in.

i picked up my phone and pressed call. after the second ring they answered. "hey bug, is everything okay?" i started crying again. "claudia i've fucked up." i admitted. "whats happened baby? i'm here to help." she replied. god what did i do to deserve claudia. she's genuinely an angel sent from heaven. "i dont even know where to start." i sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"its okay baby, start from the beginning. take your time." i took a deep breath. "so i've just been feeling like shit. i don't even know why. i haven't been eating and i've relapsed over and over again i literally cant get myself to stop. i just feel like the whole worlds caving in on me. i've stayed in my room for pretty much the past week and billie came into my room at 11 to wake me up. she was genuinely being so nice to me whilst i completely overreacted and screamed at her to leave me alone. but its not even because she was annoying me. i was just trying to protect her." i admitted.

i heard claudia sigh over the phone. "protect her from what, gab?" she asked.
"to protect her from me, i told her i stopped. i told her i was better and that i didn't do that shit anymore and i know it would've broken her heart if she saw it. i didn't mean to yell at her. i really didn't. it just happened and i was already sensitive because i had just woke up. but now i don't know what to do. if i was her i would hate me."

"bug, she doesn't hate you. she never ever will. just talk to her. tell her what you've told me. i promise you she wont get mad. if anything goes wrong just remember to breathe okay? i'm always a call away. me and finneas will come by later if you'd like?" i sighed. i know i have to tell her i just feel bad. "i just feel bad clauds. i don't want to upset or disappoint her." the tears were threatening to spill once again. i swallowed them back. "she will never ever be disappointed by you. she loves you gabby. you know she does. she will always be on your side. even when your not on your own side."

claudia seriously has THE best advice. "okay ill talk to her, and yeah can you come by later with fin?"

"yeah for sure, see you later baby." "bye."

                              billie🙄

can you come upstairs pls? i
need to talk to you.
                                                                    seen

i placed my phone back on my nightstand and made sure my sleeves were pulled fully down.

*knock* *knock*

"come in."

billie came in and sat on my bed. i gulped nervously. "i'm sorry billie. i didn't mean to snap at you like that i don't even know why i did and i'm sorry that i upset you. i didn't even mind you were in my room its just that-" i stopped myself before i admitted too much. i know i told claudia i would tell her but i just cant do it to her.

"its just what?" she said, clearly waiting for me to continue. "nothing its fine, don't worry about it." she looked at me with squinted eyes. "i know you're not okay gabby. somethings going on. whats happening in that pretty little head of yours?"

"nothing, i'm okay. but yeah i just wanted to say sorry. as soon as you left i felt so guilty."

"i'm sorry too baby, i didn't mean to get mad."

"mom?" "yes baby?" "can i have a hug?" she looked at me questioningly but came over anyways. she sat next to me on the bed and brought me towards her. me with my head on her stomach with both of my arms wrapped around it and her arms wrapped securely around me.

that was enough to finish me off as i sobbed into her stomach as she rubbed patterns across my back.

*ding dong*

i looked up to billie. "that'll be fin and claudia." i wiped my face and took a deep breath before walking downstairs to open the door.

an: long ass chapter for you all. you're welcome xoxo. anyways, stay safe babies, don't forget to eat and have a drink <3 take care of yourselves!