Adopted by Billie Eilish

twenty-one

hte era is officially over😢

September 17th, 2019

its been a few days, i'm currently sat in bed hitting my vape whilst scrolling on tiktok. its 4:37am. i had a nightmare earlier on and now i'm too scared to go back to sleep. i'm so bored of just staying in the house all day everyday. don't get me wrong, i love billies company but it gets tiring spending every second of every day with someone.

i'm sat here trying to come up with more lyrics.

home alone trying not to eat,
distract myself with pornography,
i hate the way she looks at me.
i cant stand the dialogue,
she would never be that satisfied,
its a male fantasy.

cause i loved you then and i love you now,
and i don't know how.
guess its hard to know when nobody else comes around.

thats all i have so far.

dear diary,

me and rose never ended up working out. i cant get over her. shes moved on and i just cant. i'm trying to convince myself i hate her and that ill be alright without her but its easier said than done i guess. i just cant hate her. no matter how hard i try.

when i still lived with my bio parents i had a sister. we used to be inseparable but she got into the wrong crowd and would constantly pick a fight with me. our parents used to encourage her to hurt me. they would join in too. one night it got really bad. it was me against my "mom", "dad" and "sister". the neighbours ended up hearing the commotion and called the cops. long story short only 3 out of the 4 of us made it out alive that night. my "mom" didn't. i think about that night a lot.

my bio sister, ava called me the other day. asking if we could meet up because "shes changed and wants to get to know her baby sister." i know she just wants to be close to me to get close to billie. its a lot honestly. thats what my nightmare was about. ava got close to me and billie took me back to the adoption centre and adopted ava instead. anyways this is enough of an entry for me tonight. i'm going to try and write some lyrics. until next time.

Gabby O'Connell.

its been 2 hours now and i've been writing lyrics. i've nearly finished my song now.

home alone trying not to eat,
distract myself with pornography,
i hate the way she looks at me.
i cant stand the dialogue,
she would never be that satisfied,
its a male fantasy.

cause i loved you then and i love you now,
and i don't know how.
guess its hard to know when nobody else comes around.

if i'm getting over you,
or just pretending to.
be alright, convince myself i hate you.

i got a call from a girl i used to know,
we were inseparable years ago.
thought we'd get along, but it wasn't so.

scary ginger man👨‍🦰

hey fin, just wrote these lyrics, woke up in the middle of the night and felt creative. i think they suck ass tbh but let me know what you think. (attachment: 1 note)

i sighed as i switched my phone onto 'do not disturb' mode and placed it under my pillow along with my vape. it was 6:17am now and i really need to go to sleep.

ive now been laying here for god knows how long, tossing and turning. i hear billie waking up to go to an early meeting.

she has a shower and shes blow drying her hair right now.

do you think she would let me go with her? there no way ill be able to get to sleep now. i might as well start my day.

i get up out of bed and walk down the hall to billies door. i knocked softly.

"come in," i opened the door and sat on her bed. "why are you awake so early my love?"

i sighed and pulled my hands down my face. "had a nightmare around 11pm and i couldnt get back to sleep so then i wrote some lyric's because i dunno i felt like it and now im here." i rambled, doing jazz hands at the end.

"what was your nightmare about?" i shook my head 'no' and she just nodded. "too scary to say or it will come true?" i nodded.

"do you wanna come to this meeting with me? you can lay on the sofa in the conference room if you want?" i walked over to her vanity. i sat down in her lap, wrapped my arms around her upper body and hid my face in the crook of her neck.

i was greeted by the comforting scent of vanilla.

"is that a yes?" she asked. i nodded but stayed in my position. "i know you're really comfy gab but i have to be there for 7:00 and it takes 15 minutes to drive there." i looked up at her.

"what time is it now?" i asked. "6:37." she replied.

"shit!" i jumped up and ran to my room.

"language gabriella!" billie scolded.

"sorry!" i exclaimed whilst throwing a pair of sweats on and one of billies  hoodies.

"gabby, brush your teeth."

i walked into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth.

"you ready to go baby?" billie asked standing by the bathroom door.

"yesh." i said, trying and struggling to talk with my toothbrush still in my mouth.

"you got your phone and airpods?"

i shook my head no.

"where are they? ill get them for you."

"under my pillow closest to the nightstand."

she walked over to me and kissed my head before closing the door and walking to my room.

i finish brushing my teeth and i cant find my hairbrush anywhere.

"mom! do you know where my hairbrush is?!"

no reply.

"helloooooo?"

no reply.

"mommyyyyy."

no reply.

i hear her thumping out of my room and towards the bathroom when i realise what else i had underneath my pillow. my va-

"GABRIELLA O'CONNELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!!!" she screamed storming into the bathroom with my vape in her hand.

oh shit