Adopted by Billie Eilish

thirty-one

Hi important AN at the end, pls read <3

September 29th.

happy fucking birthday to me. i'm not in the mood for this bullshit today at all.

kinda just want to mope around and feel sorry for myself all day but I know for a fact i wont be allowed.

i've been staring aimlessly at the ceiling feeling sorry for myself. incase you were wondering, no, i have not had my phone back yet.

i don't even know how to describe how i feel. i just feel so empty. but not empty at the same time. its so confusing and to be honest i just want to go back to sleep and never wake up again.

my door creaks open and shark jumps up on my bed and snuggles into me. he always knows when i'm not feeling good. he's like an emotional support animal most of the time. he's one of my best friends.

"can i come in baby?" billie asks from outside my room. "yeah." i replied, not moving from my comfortable position in bed.

"happy birthday, i love you." she said softly as she perched on the edge of my bed and stroked the stray strands of hair out of my face. she bent down and kissed my forehead.

"thankyou." i replied, with a very obviously fake closed mouth smile.

"scooch up." she said. i moved across my bed so there was enough room for her to get in with me. she pulled me on top of her chest and held on to me tightly. i sighed and relaxed fully into her.

"thats it baby girl, take some deep breaths." she spoke up once again and kissed the crown of my head.

"im sorry im really not feeling it today, i know that claudia wanted a party and presents and music and food and all of it but i really just want to stay in with just the family and the dogs." i rambled on.

"then that is what we will do, dont feel pressured to have a party just because claudia wants to, she just wants to make your day special but if you're happy with it just being all of us then that is perfectly fine too." i nodded into her and closed my eyes.

"are you hungry?" she asked. i shook my head no and she sighed. "okay, you don't have to eat right now because i know that you don't like eating as soon as you wake up, but are you planning on having something later?"

i secretly rolled my eyes, but nodded anyways. there is no way i'm eating later but i just have to be sneaky about it and hope i don't get caught.

i never told billie about my nightmare so she doesn't know that its triggered me into a relapse. its better she doesn't know. what she doesn't know can't hurt her.

we sat in content silence for a while before we decided it was time to get ready for the day.

i told billie that i didnt want this day to feel any different than any other day. im not used to celebrating my birthday so i definitely do not want to start now, especially when my family have a lot of money. god knows what they would spend on it for me, and i definitely do not want to find out now.

i showered and washed my hair, threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and put a pair of slides on. simple i know, but i'm not going anywhere so whats the point of dressing up? exactly. there isn't a point.

billie said that the family are on their way over so i went downstairs and sat on the sofa. lets just pray they got the memo of "do not treat me any differently than normal."

—————————————————

i know this sucks actual ass, I'm very sorry for that but i genuinely do not know what to write about at all, I'm going
through so much right now but i know i have kept you all waiting for so long. has anybody got any ideas for chapters because i don't know if i'm even going to carry on this story if i have nothing to write about.

just remember, i love you and i'm always here if any of you need to talk. keep yourselves safe <3