Infatuation: Book One of the Infatuation Series

Chapter Eleven: Endorphins

y/n's PoV:

The night plays out rather calmly; Char drives you back to the hotel, you have dinner in your room, and before heading off to bed you FaceTime Mary. She tells you about her life at uni, and about a guy she met in her new economics course. They went on an impromptu coffee date after their lecture and she's planning on seeing him again soon... She show's you some pictures of him, and frankly he reminds you of a young Johnny Depp. 

 Afterwards she asks about your day.

Naturally you discuss the Pierre situation with your best friend: You tell her how he saw you waiting in front of Alpha Tauri, how he held onto your hand in the corridors, how close you got in the meeting room after everyone left, the flirting, what the message on his phone said, and how Charles freaked out when Pierre showed up. She sighs when you're done narrating the events of the last few hours.

Mary: Damn...

She gives you a soft smile – It's comforting to see your best friend on the screen and have her listen like this. There's no judgement and she's not second guessing your actions. She inquires about your thoughts on all of it in hindsight. 

y/n: I actually feel guilty because of it. You should've seen him while we were screaming at each other about 'not' caring. Dude, his eyes were in so much pain...

Mary: Stop thinking about him, if I were you, I wouldn't be guilty... You set a boundary. You told him to stop, and with Char's help he will stay away for good.

You exhale slowly and her face grows more serious; You're an open book.

Mary: Unless... Unless you don't actually want him to stay away.

Silence overtakes the call for a moment.

y/n: I don't know, that's the thing!

Mary: Mhh, okay let's simplify this.

You nod – Her hands are lifted mid air.

Mary: If it weren't for your childhood with Pierre, and if it weren't for Charles' No Friends Rule... And if you weren't in the paddock... Like strip all of it away. If it were only him and you, total strangers at a bar, and the text never appeared – Based on the vibe, would you want to see him again?

y/n: If it weren't for all of that, him and I wouldn't be where we are today. Then the vibe wouldn't be this charged I think. It would simply be different, and I don't know–

Mary: Okay, so you're saying you wouldn't see him again?

y/n: No... I'm saying... The history we have is...

Mary: Unique?

y/n: Yeah... Unique – Perhaps even special. It's just our history is so tied up in what we have right now, I don't think I could separate the two. I don't know, but it feels like I'm in one of those romantic novels or movies, where the whole plot is based around enemies to lovers. Cause that's what this is– Right? I hated him, but I'm slowly not so sure why I hated him that much, cause now... It's different.

She laughs wholeheartedly, saying there's some irony to that. She reminds you of how much he used to bug you when you were younger, and of course you remember all of those situations so clearly; He vexed you. Absolutely irritated and annoyed you... Now though, you think of his deep eyes, the way he straightens up a little bit around you, and the way he clearly is taking any chance he can get to touch you or be around you. You don't know how you feel about any of it anymore; Is it borderline creepy, or is it somewhat charming? You sigh deeply. You're starting to second guess your job: Is it even worth all this drama? You're a few days in and your world was tossed and turned already, how are you supposed to do this for an entire season?

y/n: I just think the history is what makes this somewhat special...

Mary: Hold up y/n... 'Special'... You sound like you're about to fall for him. Which, let me just say this out loud, you HAVEN'T and you WON'T. He's there. That's it. That's the only reason you feel so caught up in this, even guilty for setting the boundary, but you have been single for a bit now; You just want the endorphins that come along with being chased. You don't actually want him... It's being chased that is exciting to you. Honey... I haven't seen the two of you, okay? I don't know how you look at him, when no one else is around... But with certainty I can tell you, you've stumbled down a rabbit-hole, since you're in a high stakes, enclosed environment, where the two of you are constantly in the same space at the same time, forced to interact. Okay?

Reality settles in; It's the chase. She's probably right – You're reading too much into all of this – He probably doesn't even care about you, for him you're a quick flirt. That's it... Not more, not less. 

Same with you; You absolutely don't give a fuck about Pierre Gasly. He was just a... Flirt. You pause your thoughts. If that was the case though... Why did your heart beat out of your chest when he touched you? Why do you feel guilt? Why do you regret telling Char? 

This doesn't add up. You care more than you admitted.

FUCK. Mary continues her speech. You aren't so sure after all. 

Mary: You don't like Pierre Gasly. He's just exciting right now. He's giving you an ounce of attention and you're falling for it. 

y/n whispers: Hmm...

Mary: Find someone else to date! Give that hot Brit a shot, why not? You know he was into you! Just give it a try... Cause I know exactly that if you get any deeper into this Pierre business, you'll regret it. 

y/n: I think I'll give Lando a chance.

You change the topic and continue talking for a little while longer. Then she needs to have dinner, so you end the call; You totally forgot about the time difference. Your mind is buzzing after her honest words. It's overtaken by thoughts of Pierre – You ignore them. You open your Instagram DM's and shoot Lando a message.

Then a text pops up: Speaking of the Devil. 

Message from Gasly: y/n?