Being His ROSABELLE

33

D E M I T R I

It's been an awful three months since that fire in my room. These past three months are spent feeling like shit.

I feel as though I have lost 90% of myself. I don't know why but I feel so guilty and so empty at the same time.

Something is not right but everytime I try to ponder over it something hinders my train of thought.

For some reason I knew that something wasn't right but I choose couldn't place my finger on it.

I knew for a fact that I couldn't have possibly naturally loved the woman that I currently call my wife.

I don't know what it is but anytime she got close to me I felt so guilty, so repulsed, so disgusted, so ashamed.

I don't know what it was but it was always there without fail. I always felt like I was cheating, I don't understand why.

I couldn't even bring myself to interact properly with people. I could only think straight when I was alone in my office.

Anytime and everytime I saw my wife, Christina, I loose my train of thought and it's like I'm completely devoted and utterly in love with her.

I'm not stupid. I knew that some of these feelings I have towards her are not natural and they are not entirely my own.

There was a knock on my office door and in came Christina. Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

I was bombarded by that utter love and devotion I feel whenever she is around.

"My dear Demitri," Christina sang as she walked around my table. "How have you been?" She continues as she rounded the corner.

"I'm better now that I'm with you," I eternally cringed as I said that.

I rolled my office chair back, so she could sit on my lap. Christina is one of those people who require physical touch.

"Awww, does that mean you were thinking about me?" She said laying her hands on my shoulders. "Did you miss me?" She whispered her face literally centimeters away from mine.

"Yes I did," I sighed as I placed my forehead on hers. "I'm happy to have you here with me now," I continued closing my eyes.

My skin started crawling, especially with I placed my hands on her bare thighs.

I knew this was wrong because A) I can remember who I was before this girl walked in my life and B) all the memories I had with Christina, feel as though they were manipulated and are not something I'd so with her.

"Well, I'm here now and I won't go anywhere. There's literally nowhere else in the world I'd rather be," She said in that same whisper.

Her hands coming to hold and stroke my cheeks. I felt my stomach churn for a second. I'm not sure if it was butterflies or something else.

She leaned in and pecked my lips. She repeated the action twice, which confirmed what I was feeling.

Definitely something else.

I kissed her back so she doesn't suspect anything. I pull back and looked straight into her eyes.

One thing about Christina, it's that she can't stand eye contact. I clenched my jaw as she turned her head to shy away from my hard look.

I turned her head to face me, using my pointer finger and thumb. Her whole face turned red and she shyly smile at me while tucking her jet black hair behind her ear.