Eleanor's Desire

33. Tolerate

Chapter 33

"What do you mean by your visiting your sister? She lives in Essex, have you any idea how the gossip will follow?" Kevin's voice boomed through the room, Eleanor only glared at him. He spoke of gossip but his voice overtook the whole room, no doubt giving a handful to the servants of their misery of marriage.

It wouldn't be the first quarrel, quite frankly there was nothing else but that or dead silence.

Dragging in an impatient breath Eleanor held his fierce gaze, "I told you,  Aaron misses his cousins dearly and I won't deprive him of that," god knows she had deprived him of much.

"Then for gods sake have them come here!"

Through out the years of living and having an agreement with Kevin after their quick marriage she had learned a thing or two, or more likely he had learned she would not be fooled like before, "You have no words in what I do or say," she bristled at his tone and the way he thought he could tell her what to do.

"I am your husband."

"You and I both know what that came with. Do not tire yourself out, me and Aaron will leave in the morning,"

"I have a mistress, don't you have a say in that?"

She nearly laughed, it wasn't the first time he tried to gain attention and reaction from her, it never worked. She felt nothing but emptiness for him, had it not been for their agreement she would've never set her gaze on him.

"My silly infatuation with you has long gone, tell that mistress of yours she has my blessing," Eleanor this time did laugh at the way his jaw dropped and his eyes bristling, "I've done my —- my best to redeem myself all those years! One bloody mistake! One and you held it like no one hold a grudge! All the while you birthed a child out of wedlock faster than——" before he could speak further Eleanor's hand slapped across his face, the impact having his head twisting. She was fuming, and never gave him any piece of her mind let alone a reaction but now.

Something inside her snapped, perhaps it was all those years of sleepwalking through her life, afraid of what people would think, how they would react to the fact she had a child out of wedlock, now... now she felt anger. But mostly at herself,

Whirling on her heels she headed up the stairs and all those pent up emotions cooled down as the laughter of her boy rang out, he had a neighbour friend over and even by his three years age he was a energetic, restless and intelligent little boy.

Everyday as she looked at his curious big eyes she was reminded of what truly was worth caring in her world. And she would not forget that.

"Mama! Mama!, we finished the train," he beamed once he saw her and rushed towards her, she immediately picked up the tall for his age yet chubby little boy and squeezed him to her chest, he wriggled and pointed to the room at the little train set they made, "We can go anywhere..."

"Where would you want to go," she smiled at his sheepish look as he didn't even think long before rushing to say, "To George and Eli"

"Well Aaron my dear, we are going to your cousins," She announced and a loud squeal rang out as his big dark eyes that always seemed to knock a breath out of her meet hers, "You mean it mama?"

"Well of course, but not right away. We will leave tomorrow after you have a full and good night sleep because the journey is quite far my dear,"

"Father said we wouldn't go," His voice was nearly a whisper but Eleanor heard and it only fumed her anger, holding her tongue she held her son and gave one last squeeze of hug before setting him down and letting him play again.

How dare he!

She only wondered what more rubbish he told her son, a feeling of uncertainty came over her again, she were convinced four years ago that marrying Kevin and securing her child's future was the best thing to do, even if it came with a loveless marriage. No shame would taint her sons name, and Kevin was be granted in return.

It seemed so perfect, after all everyone knew she had been hopelessly in love with the man before, it wasn't so shock when they married so hastily. Everyone but her sister who drew her aside and had the truth falling from her lips.

Now she wasn't so sure. Had she been brave she would've said to hell with her Uncle's threat, to hell with the royal family.

She would've found Lorenzo... not only because he was the father of her child but also he was the only man she ever felt such strong feelings for even if years has gone by, she dreamed of him. Was he married? Did he think of her? Was she merely a faceless woman he wouldn't recall?

How many times has she been holding herself back from trying to contact him despite it all? Tell him he was a father.

The only reason she held herself back was because she knew her uncle could ruin his life, after all it wouldn't be the first meddling they had done in the family. Sudden deaths and ruination and blackmailing was only a notch of what her family was capable of and the lengths to go if they wanted one gone, if one only tainted their good image.

And a reminder with that had always left her burying those desperation back and locking them.

And since she could not permanently move to Italy she had no choice left but to live her life as it was, at least tolerate it. But Kevin was doing his blasted best to meddle himself and think he had a voice on her choices.

And to crush her child's request so harshly.

that was something she couldn't tolerate.

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