In His Light (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Sixteen(The Other Night)

Chapter Sixteen

   This chapter is short:/ It also skips around some, but I just needed to add in the background and all that junk. Okay, well thank you all for reading! Please vote, comment, and or message me anytime!!:)

(The Other Night)

I stood shirtless, my tattooed chest running pale with the shaking of my lungs. The gun was in my hand, the porcelain sink painted with the draining of my blood that ran down my numbed abdomen. I couldn't feel it. The bullets lay restless in my opened flesh, my nerve endings refusing to react normally. I screamed through the silence. My last trick, and still...nothing.

"Andy!" My mother broke out into a cry.

I turned back casually, the tore skin not rattling an emotion of pain or agony. Her face was stricken with streams of tears, as her trembling hands pressed damp towels to my new wounds. She watched my face innocently, waiting for any sign of feeling to come to my face. But, it kept blank, my insides burning like an inferno over the fact that I couldn't even experience pain from a gun.

"Please, baby. You're life is too sweet to end." She cried.

I felt her tiny body press into my chest, the fresh blood seeping into her baggy outfit of levi's and gray T-shirt. I shakily wrapped my arms around her, wondering if I'd ever feel anything other than this fucking hollowness that occupied my insides. And then something happened.

The rain soaked my clothes to the bone. My mother and father shivered beside me with stilled expressions plastered onto their faces. Rain droplets fell from the points of our noses, mixing with the tears that didn't seem to stop shedding. I looked around, knowing I was the only one who hadn't cried. I couldn't. There wasn't a way of sharing their emotion, their feeling. I was simply dead inside with this disease.

My knees clacked together weakly beneath me, as they lowered the casket. I watched the men's face shatter with despair. I was breaking. Here in the memory and reality itself. The fertile lawn of green marveled around me like a blanket of living water, as I fell to the ground.

Suddenly I was back, my cheek laying frozen to the tiled floor of my bathroom. Blood was pooling around me and I knew I'd already lost too much to be able to stand-yet still I forced my palms underneath me. They crumbled pathetically with my weight. I could hear my mother shrieking and crying through the phone to a 911 operator, her voice soothing with the announcement of my disease.

"He has CIPA. Yes, no he cant feel a thing."

I grunted through my closed lips, struggling to move. I felt young-too young for my present age with the mention of my disease. She began to go on about my depression, about my anger issues, and the way I'd self harmed before. My eyes shut with a grimace, just as the lights of my world faded from my sight.

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   The shame loomed around me with the darkness, light only illuminating from the bulbs of the vanities. I watched her slip from my fingers, like a cup filled with water that now was cracking under the weight. Inside I could feel it. I could constantly feel it when I was with her. My heart was crashing on itself with her leaving, with her innocent face that was struggling to keep its composure in front of her mother.

   But, for once we were trading positions. For the first time in my life, I was breaking harder than ever before. I felt my eyes quaking with the formation of tears and I bit onto my lip. I've never cried before. I've never done any of this. My hands curled up into fists near my sides, just as an abandoned tear fell to my cheek.

   The sensation was alien like-too foreign from my ways and my life that for some reason I was afraid for a short moment. I rose my hand shakily to my cheek, knowing my mouth was falling open in all my wonder and amazement. My fingers brushed away the tear gently.