In His Light (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Thirty-Seven(Bloodshed)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

HEY GUESS WHAT?! IM ALIVE. Hahaha sorry I haven't updated in an eternity. ._. But, uh, good news? This is the second to last chapter-EPILOGUE IS VIA NEXT PEOPLE:D I mean nooo...;_; But in actuality I'm like "OH MY FRACK IT IS OVER I AM FREEEEE!" But in all serious you guys...thank you all for your support, for your kind words, your feedback, your commitment, your everything. Bless your souls. I love you all to the moon and back. I hope you have an amazing schoolyear HAH. Well, I hope you have an incredible life:) Thank you for giving my book a chance. I'm more than grateful. Love you all.

(Bloodshed)

       I shut the door quietly behind me with the click of the lock ringing gently in my ears. The house was dead silent other than the subtle trickle of bath water running from my bathroom. I turned the corner of the hallway and walked into my room, my eyes catching onto my unmade bed and the clutter of Murey's schoolwork. She must've just gotten home.

     I paced a little to the left and then a little to the right. I didn't want to do this. I was perfectly fine keeping my distance and staying with the two of them. I could do this. I could completely rip away the attachment and clear the space from any pain or agony inflicted by their absence.

My throat caught.

     Her bright red hair flashed before my eyes with her brown eyes gleaming beneath the shade. Her smile was like diamonds, her soul like gold. She smelt like summer...like the ocean folding in on itself after a long drizzle of rain.

My breathing thinned.

     Her skin was so light...so soft to the touch. Every ounce of her was a drug, resting irresistible within my own shattered mind. Murey wasn't something I could avoid or simply forget. There wasn't a way in hell that I could live a day in the lie of "not loving her", because it was written all over my face.

      I tapped the base of my knuckles against the door of the bathroom. The water instantly stopped running and the sound of sobs developed beneath the quieted air.

How long?

      I rushed my knocking with my teeth digging into my bottom lip. What the hell happened? Why was she crying? I loved her. It was okay. We were okay. 

"Murey, I'm sorry. Baby, I love you. I always have and I always will...I just-fuck...I got scared okay? I got scared and acted shitty in response because I'm a fucking idiot."

       I could hear her footsteps approaching the other side of the door with a cautioned motion. Her crying stung my ears and pinched my heart. She needed to stop. I was getting fucking angry.

"I'm not myself when I'm not with you." I exhaled pathetically, a swallow following after my bitch like plead.

"D-don't come in." She sniffled.

      I jingled the doorknob beneath me, but it jerked still. She fucking locked the door? I knocked harder and harder, my foot banging the bottom of the door.

"What the hell, Murey?" I bit.

"P-please." She hiccuped.

       I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know. I kicked the door in with my forearm rising up to shield my eyes. Murey appeared before me with the bottom of her ruffled dress drenched in blood. A puddle glistened beneath her and I could see death in her brimming eyes.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN." She screamed.

Blood.

Blood was everywhere.

       Her hand prints spotted the rim of the built in square tub and splashed the sink's interior. The mirror had been fogged up from the heat of the running water where I could see she attempted to clean up the mess before I came home.

"Murey." I spoke without effort.

"I couldn't...the b-b-baby...it-"

        Her body dropped to the blood soaked floor like a bag of dirty laundry. I watched her sprawl out with shaking limbs, her whole existence broken.

I just stared.

      My eyes were locked in their open position and my chest had paused within the last breath I had let out. I felt my weight slip from beneath me and fell against the sink's counter, my gaze never leaving Murey.

"Lilly, she-she b-bought c-clothes. I-I wanted...I wanted t-to name-"

        Her voice broke out into more violent quakes of sobs, while I remained paralyzed by our given reality. She'd miscarried. It was all over. It was all done.

"We," She sniffed, wiping at her eyes as she sat up. "I-I wanted to name her Scar...that is if it-it were a g-girl."

         I didn't say anything. I was a coward. I was a pathetic excuse for a living being. My chest vibrated with the thought of having a daughter named Scarlett. I could picture her now, her hair a deep brown like Murey's natural color. Her eyes would be blue, not my shit crazy blue...but a richer hue. I could just hear her voice...so calm, so pure.

My lip was bleeding.

"I actually wanted...I wanted a b-baby." She choked with an ending of bitter laughter. "As if I was truly capable of raising a child."

        My gaze shot to the bloodied floor and I began to trace the gap between each white tile, as she continued to strip my body of any feeling.

"I mean I already quit school. I-I was prepared...somewhat."

      Her whole conversation seemed to take place inside of her head. I could'nt even mumble a response though. I'd just lost my kid. I'd lost my baby before I ever met it. How does that happen? How is that fucking fair-fucking possible?

"I mean, the doctors...they-shit, who am I kidding right?" She laughed hysterically, "Like you and I could actually end up with perfect lives. What the hell was I even thinking?"

"Murey." I mumbled.

She didn't hear me. She kept talking.

"All my life, all my fucking life, I wasn't brave enough to do things for myself...I was going to make her or him strong you know? I was going to make them like you, like their father."

     She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. It was the first time that I ever found her slightly terrifying. With the shade of her skin and the vibrant color of her hair, she didn't seem real. She looked imaginative...like something that crawled out of my mind.

"I just..." She popped, new tears rising to her eyes.

      I listened to her crying gradually grow into the same aggressive waves like before. Her voice broke in between breaths with attempts to explain what happened, to tell me more of what lived within her head.

"Murey." I yelled flatly, my eyes glued to the floor.

     I heard her body lift from the ground and saw her head slightly turn towards my figure. Her eyes were begging for relief. She needed rescuing. She needed saving.

"Marry me."

"Okay." She breathed.