In His Light (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Thirty-Two(Closer Than Before)

Chapter Thirty-Two

    This chapter hurt to write. It's so close to the end and I just...I cant thank you all enough for being here and for riding this out with me. I love you all, genuinely. I appreciate every one of you. Now, I have a person to dedicate this to on my list and I'm so sorry, Nafisaluvsbvbs. Next one is you! Promise! But, I wanted to dedicate this chapter to my sister, KennedyCameron for reasons left between us. I love you girl. Remember that. I don't know what I would do without you, I mean who the heck would I drool over Andy and his face dragging moments with?:) <3 people:="">

(Closer Than Before)

Two Months Later

       I fell to the side near the lifted toilet, cupping my mouth in fear of vomiting further. Lilly called for me out in the living room, but my stomach was currently reacting as if I'd been on a two year cruise. Knives were embedded in the sides of my head, as I slowly rose to my feet.

     My stomach growled like an untamed lion and I grimaced with each step out of the bathroom. I just wanted to eat something for once without having to throw it all back up in the morning. Lilly's expression shriveled with the sight of my sunken cheek bones and pale lips. I felt her hands grab onto my boney shoulders, as she walked me into the kitchen and began to cook me something extremely fattening.

     Even though my other limbs and body parts had been withering away, it seemed like my stomach had a different idea. I was gaining weight awkwardly and as hard as I tried, my hunger never came to an end and neither did my bulimic behavior.

"You just saw Andy, Mure....please, can I just take you to a doctor?" Lilly pleaded.

     I shook my head with a bit of pain shooting through my breaking ribcage. I knew what my problem was. I was just going through another anxiety stage. I had the same exact signs I had when I was younger and I knew that if I just waited it out and kept up with my quiet times, it would all blow away. Unless I did before it had a chance to...I swallowed frightfully with the thought of being left in the dark and returned to the rant Lilly was now on.

"You're sick, Murey. You're really sick."

     I could hear the worry sticking in her tone with each thick syllable that left her chapped lips. My gaze fell to the sizzling that was erupting in the pan near my side, seeing juicy strips of bacon being cooked to perfection.

"It's just another phase." I assured more myself than her.

"You barely weigh a hundred pounds, Mure." Lilly snapped, tears spitting out of her hazel eyes.

"I weigh 102." I breathed shakily.

       Even I knew at the height of 5'1 102 wasn't the best weight to be at, but I guessed that if I just avoided all the obvious facts...maybe they too would go away.

"I'm taking you to the doctor." Lilly announced, sliding me a plate full of bacon.

     I shoved the strips of meat into my mouth with an aggressive action, watching her dig through the hanging cupboards for something else. Fear scraped the inside of my bones all around. I couldn't go to another hospital...they scared the shit out me-especially with my condition. I knew needles would enter my skin. I knew my blood would be taken along with my slight bit of disbelief that I was still clutching on to desperately. I wasn't ready to die.

    Lilly took my empty plate away and slid a sleeve of crackers over towards me with a jar of peanut butter set out. I prepared my usual cracker sandwiches and ate the whole sleeve without hesitation. Lilly studied me the entire time. She knew I was eating. It's not like I was purposely trying to kill myself with this slow and painful process.