Welcome to my life and my thoughts. Poems.

If anything this could be goodbye.

I wrote this one quite a while back, and there was a lot of anger that I just vented out here... This one isn't all about me, in fact it is only a little bit, because otherwise I wrote this when my friend was going through a horrible time and she just seemed to pass all of her anger and negativity to me... 

P.S Thank you so much to those people that have voted on certain chapters, it keeps me going...

It’s not completely the fact that they’re doing this to me,

It’s more the fact that they lie to my face every day,

And have done for who knows how long,

I can see them talking about me behind my back,

They don’t understand,

Why I am the way I am,

Why I have to put a mask on my face every day,

I hate the way I am,

So much that I’ve been so close to ending it all,

The humiliation of those ‘close friends’ knowing,

Not all of them, but most of them,

I shouldn’t have the blame,

It’s not entirely my fault,

But she’s convinced everyone what a monster I am,

She’s covering something, more than I know,

I know more about her than she knows and thinks,

I don’t know quite how I ended up like this,

I used to be the crazy person everyone knew,

I used to laugh and have a carefree life,

Not having to think every word before saying it,

I’m no longer who I was,

I’m not that girl that everyone loves,

The ‘crazy’ me, that’s supposed to “me”,

I’m not who I want to be,

I smile every day,

When deep down I feel like dying,

I ‘laugh’ every day,

But now I feel guilty about it?

I don’t know what to do anymore,

Those thoughts are coming back and slowly taking over again,

They’re everywhere, haunting me,

It’s just impossible to put your past behind you, isn’t it?

You act like the smart one, the one who does this without me “knowing”,

You thought you knew me?

Huh, don’t make me laugh,

You never knew the real ‘me’,

And how all of this happened without me “knowing”,

I’ve known longer than you think,

In fact I’ve known from the beginning,

I’m not as stupid as I make out,

You know only half of me,

The half that’s all an act,

Ok, maybe you’ve seen more than that,

Maybe you’ve seen like three fifths,

I’m always injured and ill?