Welcome to my life and my thoughts. Poems.

Locked Away

That moment when you realise everything isn't as it seems, nothing's right and you can't escape.

I thought I knew what I wanted in life,

My direction,

My path,

I thought I knew who I was,

Who I wanted to be,

And who I am,

Apparently I didn't,

I don't,

I built myself up,

Only to tear myself down again,

I thought it made me stronger,

It did,

It kept me going,

Knowing I had somewhere to go,

Someone to be later in life,

Thinking that I was worth it,

Worth someone's time,

Just worth something,

Again I must have been wrong,

I thought I'd changed,

Or was still changing,

But everything I did,

It all appears before me now as nothing,

That it was all a waste of time,

I try my best,

I tried my best,,

Nothing's ever enough,

So I give up,

I gave up,

Walked away from it all,

Locked myself away,

Shut everything out,

Shut everyone out,

No one was really there anyway,

Not how they said they would be,

It was all talk,

All to make me feel better,

I don't want to be told empty promises,

Just to be kept 'safe',

Happy,

I don't want to be told lies,

Just to make me feel better,

I want the truth,

I need that trust,

To be able to trust someone,

I can't seem to find anyone that I can anymore,

I shut them out,

And they gave up on me,

Or they tried,

But I wouldn't let them in,

I couldn't,

It was too hard,

I'm nothing to you now,

Or if I am something,

It's just a name in the back of your head,

Someone you used to know,

Someone you'd tell everything to,

Someone you could trust,

Someone who was there for you always,

Even when I had my own problems,

You were the only one to see through all my masks,

My hiding away,

And covering up,

But you didn't seem to try hard enough,

Neither did I,

I wish you had,

I miss you,

But still I'm locked away,

Shut myself up,

Shut myself down,

Made me this person I don't want to be,

This person I would have never thought could have been me,

I am this person though,

I can't escape,

I'm stuck,

You seem to be the only one who could help me,

If you could realise this,

See this,

You'd understand,

But I'm nothing to you now,

I'll have to stay this way.