Welcome to my life and my thoughts. Poems.

Genuinely Happy

When i think about that person, everything else seems less important, that it doesn't really matter and that's just thinking about them.

I can’t help,

But feel my heart sink a little,

When I think about you now,

You were once everything to me,

I was once everything to you,

I know I’m not anymore,

But you still are to me,

I catch myself smiling,

So often now,

Then I stop and realise I was thinking about you,

I can’t stop myself,

You make me happy,

Make me smile,

Make me laugh,

You made me feel special,

Loved,

That you’d catch me if I fell,

I was the happiest with you,

Never have I felt that feeling,

You give me butterflies,

From one glance,

I have to force myself to breath around you,

To try and act normal,

But you seem to change me when I’m around you,

Or even near you,

Change me for the better,

Not for the worse,

I’m falling now though,

And there’s no one there to catch me,

So I’ll just fall,

Hurt myself,

And have to get off my feet again,

Move on,

Get back to life,

Like I always do,

I’m so used to it,

It’s like a routine,

So don’t worry about me,

I’ll just try to dust myself off again,

Make myself believe,

It’s for the better,

But I tried that once before,

It didn’t work,

It failed,

You mean too much to me,

To let you go like that again,

I never should have the first time,

So this time I’m going to hold onto you,

I won’t fall,

I’ve balanced myself,

Get you back again,

Maybe we won’t be with each other again,

But at least we’ll still have each other,

I can’t lose you again,

Because the last time was so bad,

I went downhill,

Ruined my clean slate,

And left scars,

Now do you understand?

How hard it is too control,

All my feelings,

Thoughts and actions?

It’s harder than you think,

Harder than I think,

But somehow with you,

I forget all my fears,

My worries,

My regrets,

And be the way I once was,

Scar free,

Not scared of myself,

Or my feelings,

But truthfully,

And genuinely,

Happy.