The Bad and The Broken

Chapter 35

Dawn's POV

I sit on the stairs and wait for Jesse.

I try to make myself busy by tracing the outside of a bruise on my wrist.

It's purple and blue, a little bit of yellow.

I hear the door open, and quickly get up.

Jesse walks in, and looks at me.

His eyes were a little wide, and he looked a bit shaken.

"Hey," he says, looking down.

"Hey," I say furrowimg my eyebrows, "you okay?"

He nods and says, "yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

He walks past me, and starts going up the stairs. I follow.

"I'm going to bed early tonight, okay?" He says.

"Alright."

We reach the top, and I'm surprised to see him walk to his bedroom door.

"Good night, Dawn."

And with that, he closes his door.
*****

I'm not sure which is worse; forgetting... or not being able to.

You can forget, and make things easy. With the consequences of not wanting to, or not being able to. You can't make yourself, or you don't want to make yourself. But when you finally do, it can either make you feel relieved or devestated.

I want to forget the horrible things that have happened to me. I want to never have to remember it or feel it again. I want to be free of the nightmares and depression it's given me. I want the scars to go away, and I don't ever want to remember what I've been through. I want it to end, and have a new life. A better one. One where I can be like normal teenage girls. One where I didn't have to grow up so quickly. One where I wouldn't have to worry so much. But I can't. I can't forget how I got each scar on my body. I can't forget how I got each brusie. I can't forget how I got each cut, stab, lash, burn. I can't forget my fears. I can't forget each and every memory and nightmare.

My father hurting me, hitting me, whipping me, and every other thing no daddy should do to his daughter; I can't forget it.

My mother, with blood pouring from her head, told me she loves me, told me it will be okay. Lies. Lies that I can't forgive her for. Nothing is okay, and it's her fault. She left me with this monster. She left us. She is the reason my own dad hates me.

Yet I can't be mad at her. I can't hate her. Because even though she's not with us anymore, she's still here. When I'm lying on the floor, unable to get up, she's sitting beside me, whispering in my ear that I'm going to be okay. When I'm doubled over the toilet, throwing up the empty contents of my stomach, she's rubbing my back. When I wake from a nighmare, and can't go back to sleep, she sings to me. When I don't think I can go on like this any longer, she's telling me I can. She's been here with me all along.

If only she could be with dad. Then maybe things would be okay.

Bad chapter, I know it sucks!

Hey guys.. so I've been thinking, and I think I'm going to unpublish this book. I read it, from the begining, and I've noticed all of things I've messed up on, or didn't make any since, or was just flat out stupid. But if I do decide to, then I'll just edit it and finish it, then publish it again. It would basically just be under major construction. I'll also be changing things that happen, or the way things happen. If you saw, I've already changed the names of chapters and changed some things in the begining. I'm sorry guys, but I'm just not happy with anything in this...

I honestly just don't know. I'll keep thinking about it, though. Maybe figure something else out.
If you want, you can restart this book now -because I've changed a little things in the begining- but you don't have to.

Okay, that's all. Bye guys!