Flames Of Seduction- Book 1

Chapter Thirty Five

In the silence of our conversation, I can't help but feel the need to just crawl under a blanket and cry myself to sleep. What intrigues me the most is the intense looks Ella and Alice are giving me, I know that look; it's asking me for an explanation- for more. Although they confirmed many times that they aren't demanding me and that I can tell them whenever I'm ready, it is obvious they aren't satisfied. I know them well, but I can't judge them for that, can I?

"I wish I could tell you, I wish I could take off this weight off my chest, but I'm afraid I won't be able." Deciding to put all the guilt on myself and an end to this interrogation, I hide my mystery self as much as I can through some bunch of lies. This way, they wouldn't demand me further information.

"Look, I told you before. It's ok if you don't want to talk, although it makes you feel better and we maybe can help you, you can keep it in. But know this, Andrew is the only one who you can and should talk to. You shouldn't just let it be. If you do, then your life will never be the same." Ella says.

"She's right, Laura," Alice puts her hand on my knee. I can't look them in the eye, afraid that their eyes would be my breakdown- afraid that they would see the real reason behind all this.

"Andrew is not like anyone else. He's complicated. He doesn't... think twice about what he does. He doesn't see reality the way I do. He's..." but I forget my voice, words are lost on me. What explanation can I give them? What reasonable answer can I give them to make it sound like a normal relationship, not a wreck of a semi-DBSM life that he is enjoying it so far? It was gratifying to me too, but till the moment, he decided to punish me. I wasn't in my best state of mind, nor was he. And I believe that left us where we are now.

Last night, he killed all the hopes between us, all the trust. Knowing he can be so powerful and controlling terrifies me. Only now I realize our relationship was never bound to work, it was debris at the first sight. He wants control, power and dominance in his commitment, for as much he wants to deny, his dominant part is taking over. Whereas, I want love, nothing but simple love- gentle and passionate. Is it too hard for him to see this?

"From the look you are shooting at the poor table, I dare to say your only medicine is Andrew. I tell you what, pull yourself together, go to him and talk this through. Do no leave until you found an answer from him. I may not know your situation or whatever the deal is with you guys, but you need to figure this out." Alice stands up and points her finger at me.

"Laura, you look miserable and I hate to see you like this, so, please go talk to him for as much it may break your heart."

"You have feelings for him, don't you?" Alice asks.

"I do," I nod my head and plaster my face with a sad smile.

"Do you need a ride?" Ella asks me her hand still on my back.

Driving through the busy streets of LA, the sun has already set and had cast the city in darkness. The moon can't help much to brighten up; only the street lamps and flashy LEDs and posters on the sidewalk can help it. But what is missing is the real light; these artificial lamps can never compete with it.

In the darkness of the car, however, I find some time alone to think about what they said. Should I talk to him? Does he even want to talk to me? Maybe I should brush Ella off, pretending that I'm going to talk to him. After all, they are missing a huge part of our relationship. Blindfolded with lies from here and there, they think this is normal for us to talk to each other, like a couple holding hands and hugging each other in the sunset, like normal people sleeping next to each other and pretty much unnormal for not knowing what we want and why we are even fighting.