Now A Rogue [35]

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Meredith

I open the door to the relieved but smiling face of Emily. I notice the dark circles under her eyes before engulfs me in a tight hug and I melt into her embrace. It's only been one night but I haven't been alone in ages and I really missed her being around. We stand at the front door for a moment, just hugging each other until Em pulls away to hold me at arm's length. 

"Are you OK? I've been so worried about you." I give her a small smile, shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm better now that you're here. Are you OK? You look like you haven't slept." I reply, worry filling me. 

Em has always been the one to put effort into her appearance, despite her natural beauty, she wears light make-up and dresses stylishly. But today, her hair is thrown up into a messy bun, she has no make-up on and she's wearing jeans and a hoodie. It's not her usual look. 

"I couldn't sleep thinking about you being in this house on your own all night."

I step to the side to let her in and close the door behind her before following her into the living room. It's still a mess but I somehow managed to turn the sofa's back over and hoover up the glass that covered the carpet. It's not nearly back to how it was but it's a working progress. I'll get the house back into shape eventually. 

Em sits down on the sofa and I follow, sitting down next to her and relaxing against the cushions behind me. Em turns on her side to face me, pulling her knees up onto the sofa to make herself more comfortable. She takes my hand that's resting on my leg and squeezes it softly. 

"I missed you." She whispers, her smile sad. 

Since losing the baby, Emily and I haven't really had a proper conversation about anything. I've been so closed off and drowning in misery that I haven't had the strength to pretend to be OK and act normal. I know that I wasn't the only one affected by the miscarriage of my baby, Em was so excited about having a niece. I know she was keeping a strong facade for me but it looks to be taking a toll on her. She looks exhausted. 

"I'm sorry Em, for not being a good friend lately. I wasn't the only one that lost the baby." I reply in a soft voice while returning her squeeze. 

It still hurts so much to talk about the baby but I can't avoid the topic otherwise, I'll never heal from it. It'll slowly destroy me if I don't learn to accept what's happened. When I lost my parents, it nearly killed me. I became a shell of a person and the only reason I managed to pull through it and begin dealing with it was Jack. As much as I hate the man, he was there for me when I really needed it. Although, if it wasn't for him, I would have never been in that position in the first place. He's been the cause of a lot of my pain in my life. I plan to end that.

Em stares at me with utter disbelief, tears clouding her vision. 

"Are you insane? You have nothing to apologise for Mer! As much as it upset me, you were the one that lost your little girl. I had to be there for you, not the other way around." Em wraps an arm around my neck, pulling me in for another hug. "God, don't be silly." She whispers in my ear. 

I close my eyes for a moment. She's right and I know that but I still feel bad for not comforting her also. She's supported me from the moment I met her and she welcomed me and the baby with an open heart. She never judged me or my situation with Jack. She didn't care that the baby's father was him, all that mattered to her was that I was the baby's mother and she would be her auntie. I loved her for that.

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