.Rise And Fall.

.Rise and Fall. (60)

So when you hold my hand, do you wanna hold my heart?
When you say you want me, is it all of me or just one part?

~Anna Clendening.
......

|Chapter: 60|

"Please, open the door. Can you hear me?"

I heard her sniffing behind the door. Helplessly I stood on the other side waiting in a hope that she'd open it. I wish I had some supernatural power to knock the door down in one blow. Sighing at my own thoughts, I tried again. This time harder with my palm flatly hitting on the wooden wall that stood between us.

After what felt like five minutes of me resting my forehead on it, I heard the click as she unlocked the door. I stood straight when she opened it and... smiled at me. Fake.

"Come in. I was just packing my stuffs", she lied sweetly like minutes ago she wasn't crying as she made space for me to get in. I walked inside the room looking around and the memories came rushing back in my mind. Every time I had a nightmare I ran in here or the times when thunder was louder and scary, I used to snuggle into the sheets with her. Now, there laid an open suitcase with freshly folded clothes on the bed.

"Have you made your decision yet?", she asked folding her arms, avoiding my eyes. I blink back the tears and gulped my sobs down the throat.

"I am sorry mom. For everything. I shouldn't have talk back to you that day. I have no right to disobey you like that, it's your life and whatever your decision is I should respect that. Dad would have been really disappointed in me if he saw the way I behaved with you. I'm really sorry", I said in one breathe. No matter how much I tried, my voice betrayed me at the end and cracked.

When I lifted my head to look at her I couldn't hold it back anymore. She fell on her knees near the foot of the bed sobbing in her hands that covered her mouth to stop it. I pulled her in my arms as I sat down with her. She cried harder grabbing my hoodie. For the first time since the day of dad's funeral, I saw her breakdown which made all the strong walls crumbled down into pieces.

"I don't de-deserve you Serena nor did I deserve your father... he was too good to be real, too perfect to even exist. I was broken when I met him, just a girl who slept around for money.....", she managed to say between her sobs.

"Shhh... it's okay mom you don't have to...", I begin saying but she cut me off as she continued.

"Slut, whore that's what they called me. One night I met him, tried to seduce him when he took me back to his place. He laughed saying I was adorable that made me drop my act and then he called me angel. How could he when I was just a prostitute? That whole night all we did was talk, mostly about his life because he didn't want to force me into opening up. He started picking me up every night before any other men could. We went out on late night dates,  he showed places and brought gifts just to make me happy, only if he knew his presence was everything I needed. Not after too long, we got married and after a year you came and completed our world. It was all perfect, too perfect. Sometimes in the middle of the night I used to wake up and just stare at both of you. I was afraid to sleep thinking what if I wake up into a stranger's bed and it turns all into a dream."

She started crying again and my heart constricted with pain that I was finding even hard to breathe. I don't know for how long we cried in each others arms before she continued again.

"After he was diagnosed with cancer, I felt the ground underneath my feet being swept away. But he told me to be strong because you need me and I promised him. When you started growing up, the way you eat, cook, talk, behave. Every little things you did reminded me of him, I tried myself busying with work just to avoid you. I was selfish. I even broke the promise. Then I met my new boss Andrew, he tried for more than six months just to court me until I finally gave into him. That day I was so cold to you because I wanted you to hate me but just like your father you're too good and I thought you good people always make us feel like we're nothing and I hated it. I love your dad. I still love him.... I can't it hurts a lot but I'm trying to love Andrew too. I am so sorry sweety", she finished with regret filled eyes, holding her chest. I held her tightly to me. All I wanted was to take her pain away, if only I knew how.