Lovelorn✔

Chapter 4: What is love?

Azelia's P.O.V

This morning I woke up happy and elated. Remembering yesterday made me blush all morning while I rushed through my morning routine. All I could think about is seeing Aiden again and telling Nathan all about it.

I run downstairs, take up my essentials and go through the door. Both my parents left earlier this morning. I'm glad though. They would second guess what I'm wearing.

I can't stop thinking about Aiden or the fact that he is Allie's twin brother. I mean they can't be identical, I would see that and guessed a long time ago. Both their faces had been edged into my mind. One for a good reason and the other for a bad one.

Nathan is on the sidewalk waiting for me, his face is puffed and red as the apple I hold in my hand.  When I reach up close he doesn't take the first bite out of my daily apple as usual. He is obviously upset but for what? He didn't even comment on the velvet dress I'm wearing.

"Why didn't you call me!?" he asks angrily.

"I was in classes. I couldn't just pull out my phone and call silly." I hit his chest and laugh.

The bus arrives and we both enter. The entire ride to school he keeps silent. What is really wrong with him though? This is not like him.

"I missed you but it wasn't all that lonely." I tell him as we got off the bus.

"How comes?" He asks in a low tone.

"Aiden kept me company. I didn't want to drive on the bus alone so he offered me a ride." I answer.

He doesn't reply and I start to tell him what happened yesterday without leaving out any details. I get to the part where we were assigned lab partners and what we talked about but got interrupted. He goes off into a strange rage and starts cursing at me. I was so shocked that I could only stand and stare. I couldn't make any sense out of what he was saying. What did I say?

Nathan speeds up and heads to the halls while leaving me behind. Usually I would be angry but I'm too confused to be. What did I do?  We have disagreements, sure but never an actual fight.

He even avoided me for half of the day. Biology class, history class and even free period. He left me to sit alone. When I enter the cafeteria I see him sitting at our special table. I go over and sit, he doesn't even look at me. His eyes stuck to the tray while he eats.

"Nathan what did I do now?" I ask.

He looks up with a smile and says, "Oh nothing, your mood swings are rubbing off on me I guess".

I laugh and stop thinking I did something wrong. "Seems so because you cursed me like a big sister earlier."

We were back to normal, as if nothing happened this morning. We continue to eat and laugh at people passing by for a while. I switch back topics and started to babble.

"Aiden is so handsome it should be illegal. Ughh! You should have seen him Nathan. We have chemistry together. Seems its the only class that we have together because I haven't seen him all morning. I can't wait to see him again to get the same butterflies as before. Imagine how mom would react if she knew. She would get over excited for sure."

He doesn't say anything and has his head stuck in his tray again. I am unsure why but I continue anyways.

"I think I lo-"

"Don't you fucking say it!" He shouts and my eyes widen.

"Azelia you are so smart sometimes that it fucking amazes me but there is one thing you always failed to figure out." He says with a sad voice.

"Nathan what does that mean? What do I fail to figure out?" I ask getting even more confused by his outburst.

He walks out of the cafeteria and I run after him. I avoided all the stares and whispers because I seem to can't avoid them anymore. But this is more important than pride. My bestfriend is more important than pride.

I finally catch up to him when he stops and sits on an outdoor bench farthest from where much people can see. This is a regular spot where a lot of kids come to do sneaky and nasty stuff. I quickly sit beside him and lift his head up off the stone table. Tears run down his cheeks and I am shook. Nathan is definitely not okay. DEFINITELY NOT!

I've only seen him cry once since I've known him, and I've known him a very long time. He was never a softy, at least not on the outside. He broke a bone thrice and he didn't cry, so I'm clueless right now. Something must be affecting him worst than physical pain which he doesn't cry about. So then what could have caused him to have a mental breakdown?

"Nathan talk to me please. It hurts seeing you like this." I say while wiping his tears with my fingers.

He shirts from my touch and moves a distance from me. "Does it really? Does it really hurt you to see how you hurt me!?"

"You are not making any sense right now. Just explain to me what's wrong so I won't be left in confusion!" I start to get angry.

"I've loved you ever since I knew you! I showed a hundred signs but you look right pass them! All I wanted was for you to feel the same way but I got friend zoned! I've been there for you your whole life and you have never known how I felt! Now you tell me you love!? I've loved you! I know what love is! You obviously don't!" Nathan says as he cried.

"I have never said the words because my actions showed it. I never did such things as flirt or try to touch you. I showed that my actions and intentions are pure." He continues. "But you meet someone in just one day that flirted with you and drove you home and you fall for him instead when I have been here for years trying."

"I..." I can't seem to find the words to say.

This is all too unbelievable. I'm speechless. This is unreal.

"It hurts how I am so easily pushed aside. On top of it all I have so much on my plate and you just keep making it worst. It has reached the point where I can't take it anymore. I can no longer be just a bestfriend Azelia. If I do it'll only destroy me inside. Its best if we end this friendship here and now. And if you don't want to I'll still end it on my part." He says final.

He gets up and I grab his arm with tears in my eyes. "Nathan wait! Please!"

"How do you feel about me?" He asks.

I go silent because I am unable to say anything that would be a lie.

"Exactly. I'm doing what's best for me this time. Go be with who you want. Bye Azelia." He swings his hand out my grip and walks back to school.

I couldn't move or think. My heart just felt like it tore. Whatever I had hope for didn't matter in that moment. Nothing mattered just the fact that I just lost one of the most important people in my life  just because I have feelings for someone.

"Its not fair!" I cried. "Its not fucking fair!"

My life already seems to have a downhill turn and my mental health has already been damaged. I just want to go home and curl up in a corner and cry for months. How can I bare to be at school after this?

How can Nathan have a crush on me? How could I have been blind to that? He does have a point about Aiden though. I don't know anything about him.

"What is love?" I look out at the trees across the road. "How do I even know when I'm feeling it?"