Lovelorn✔

Chapter 5: What the heart wants

Azelia's P.O.V

Its been weeks and Nathan keeps avoiding me. No matter how close we got he just glimpses and looks away. This might have been our biggest fight but I had hope it would've faded just like the others but I know this isn't like the other times, far from it.

I want to approach him but I still haven't decided what to say. What I can say right now is not what he wants to hear and even if I tell him what he wants to hear it will be a lie and it might be too late. He doesn't seem sad at all or maybe he is just hiding. Then again he might not miss me as I miss him. I even seen him hanging with new people. Mostly jocks and other guys. At least he is not the petty type. If he was he would have been around more girls to stunt on me. He hasn't done anything so far and that's a sign, regardless of it all he stays a real friend.

Aiden has been absent from school ever since that day in chemistry class. We didn't exchange numbers because he didn't ask. Its not like I could ask Allie either and I won't. He just came and disappeared like he did back then. It makes my heart ache even worst because I thought that maybe I wouldn't be so lonely if he was here. I can't stop thinking about him and Nathan is on my mind too. Its like a decision that is impossible to make. They are both important to me and I want them both in my life. Just playing different positions.

Despite that I haven't seen him in a while, my feeling haven't changed. Everytime I close my eyes I see his face. I find myself smiling like crazy everytime I think about him. If love feels good but hurts at the same time then I just might not want it. Not being able to see him or talk to him hurts so much that I rather I could just forget him.

It still shocks me how Nathan has a crush on me to the extend that he confesses his love for me. I expect anyone else but not my best friend who I peed myself in front of. The person who saw me naked, who I used to have bathes with when I was smaller. The person I eat horribly around all the time. The person who sees all the nasty habits I got. I would never have thought, its even harder to believe.

I went through literature class, math class, and history class with a filled mind. I'm not focused, I need to give my mind a break. One thing I hate is feeling unproductive. I can't help but feel the worst I have ever felt. Aiden gave me hope and then disappeared without an explanation or reason. Nathan stops being my friend because I don't like him like the way he does. Its all unfair that they both left me. I'm way too young for this. This is why I don't wanna date until college.

I went home still filled with thoughts. Normally when something was wrong with me I would tell Nathan but its the first the thing wrong involves him. Now I have no choice but to go to the last person I would. Then again, I have no one else.

"Mom I need to talk." I say as I sit on a stool at the kitchen table.

"I'm always here darling, what's wrong? " She moves from the stove.

"I have a crush on this boy but he is Allie's twin brother. Turns out he just came the one day and now there is no sign of him." I ramble on. "Now Nathan hasn't spoken to me for weeks!"

"Nathan is upset with you because of the crush you have on the other boy right?" She asks.

"He said so himself." I flat out say. "By the way, why aren't you roasting me about it? I was the one who said this would never happen to me."

"I might act like a petty sixteen year old all over again but I am your mother and when its mom therapy time. Its mom therapy time." She waves the wooden spoon in her hand.

I roll my eyes. "This is how you know I'm desperate because I actually am willingly going to sit through your so called mom therapy."

She puts on a serious face. "Listen up! As a female in general you need to be more observant about the males around you. If you haven't, you need to have your radar up and running. If you did Nathan didn't need to confess his feeling, you would have known."

"How exactly do I do or need to?" I ask.

"A woman should not be blind to these things. You must know body language and be able to detect the true meaning behind words. There is so much more you need to notice and its easier than you think." She replies.

"What else?" I ask again.

"The way he looks at you, the way he touches you, how he talks to you. If he is protective, clingy or jealous. How much he is around you too because if he is into you he will try to be around you as much as he can. Sure there are shy types but Nathan isn't the shy type so every sign would show." She puts her finger on her chin.

I think to myself. "Mom you might just be right. I have been blind to it all along. All those times he would do or say things I would just say its because we are bestfriends. Thinking back now, a bestfriend doesn't do many of the things Nathan did."

"Not might be right. I am right. Besides I knew Nathan liked you for years now and others do too. You were the only one blind." She points out.

"Why didn't you tell me!?" I slam my hands on the kitchen table.

"Can't say I haven't tried talking to you. You are the one who never wanted to talk because you thought  you knew everything  you needed to." She mocks. "I'm glad you came around though."

I move my hands back to my forehead. "Its not fair."

"Sweetie, the heart will want what it wants but that doesn't mean its making the right choice. I'm just glad that its something as simple as this. I fear you will have to face the harsh truth about how twisted life can get when you let love lead the way." She folds her lips and sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"Your early teenage years are usually the least painful. I don't want you to grow up Azelia. Its a cold and brutal world out here with cruel and deceiving people, and cruel and deceiving men too." She says in a sad tone. "Whoever this boy is, you don't know anything about him. Please let go of what could have been. It might take a while longer but eventually you will. Don't chase after a fantasy."

"I know what you mean. I don't want to grow up either." I look down. "But as you said, the heart wants what it wants and it wants Aiden."

"Aiden? McKesse!?" She jolts around and drops the spoon.

"What!?" I ask out of surprise. "Do you know him?"

"Listen to me Azelia. Stay. Away. From. The. McKesses." She warns. "I don't need to tell you why. Listen to me for once. As I said before, don't chase a fantasy. They aren't real in reality."

"But-"

"No buts!" She yells. "Promise me you will forget him."

"But I- I promise." I give in.

That is the last thing that was said and we had a quiet dinner when dad came home. Its not as if I could talk to dad about any of it and mom probably wouldn't want me to.

A few minutes after I enter my room. I see a stone hit my window followed by another.  I quickly go look and I was filled with surprise when I saw Nathan on the lawn.

"Can I come up?" He asks.

I quickly run to lock the door before I opened the window. If my dad knew he came here he would flip. I can't say I wouldn't risk it though. Nathan finally wants to talk. When his feet finally touches my room floor he pulls me into a big tight squeeze. It was like a surge ran through my body. I started to feel differently, I am so happy I start to cry. As he lets go he wipes my tears and moves slowly to my lips giving me my first kiss.

Knowing I've never kissed before, of course I was shocked but I kiss him back. I feel another surge run through my body. No longer friendship feelings but now I know this is love. The way my entire body feels lighter and I'm so happy that I breakdown.

"I love you, Azelia. I need you to know that. We can't just be friends anymore. I need us to be more than that." He says passionately and just by looking into his eyes I knew things will never be the same again.

"I love you too." I whisper as I cry.

My words shook him but he just smiles as he put both his hands on my wet cheeks. After he wipes my tears he gives me another passionate kiss. At that moment, I knew what my heart wanted.