Touchy

26

Hoseok~

It's been weeks. Three weeks to be exact and we've been busy. It was concert after concert, promotion after promotion, interview after interview. I don't remember the last time I slept longer than 4 hours.

We were all pretty tired, but soon, we'll be on vacation. A whole month of vacation no practice, no rehearsals, no cameras. And I'm a little bit worried about there being no cameras some how. It's one of the major things that is keeping Taehyung from being too touchy with me. The thing is, I don't know what I am to Taehyung and I'm not sure what he means to me. So far, it has been more like a, I hate to say it, but like we only hook up when we both have time.

Almost everyday after practice, Taehyung would catch me after we all took showers and headed to our rooms. We would talk. At least that's how it began. And then sometimes, he'd trap me into a corner and kiss me unhesitatingly. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy his kisses after my shower, but things have been bothering me.

Yoongi hasn't been looking happy recently. He always stayed in his studio and not come out to eat or drink. I started to get worried he wasn't eating enough. I felt like I had to talk to him somehow. So I did. Earlier that day after lunch. He didn't come so I went into his studio to give him a sandwich and some water.

"Hey Yoongi" I greet myself before I scare him.

     "..." he didn't really respond or acknowledge my presence he just continued to write things in his book of thoughts I presume it was.

     "I got you something to eat and drink. I noticed you have been eating a lot less" I can hear the worry in my voice, hoping he would hear it too.

     "Thanks...But can you close my door once you leave?" Those were his first words to me since the beginning of all day.

     "Yeah okay no problem but,,,Yoongi, what's wrong?" I asked as I set his food down on a table near by.

     "Hm? What do you mean? I'm fine" he finally turned around in his chair and looked at me. His face was paler than usual.

     "You look off. Are you sick?" I asked as I walked towards him and place my hand on his forehead to see if he had some type of sickness.

     He looked shocked out of my sudden touch but then he just closed his eyes. And he stayed like that for a moment.

     Yoongi ~

     God, I miss his touch.

I don't want to feel anything for him. It has been settled. He's with Taehyung. And there's nothing I could do to change that. But...

"What is Taehyung to you?" I asked with my head still down.

He didn't answer for a few seconds. Like he didn't know the answer to the question.

"Taehyung is my band mate and friend. Like he is to you" he replied. I knew he didn't know what to say and I may have caught him off guard.

"Why do you like him so much?" I ask this time gulping my tears in.

"Wha-"

"What is he providing you that I can't?..!" My voice cracked. I felt his hand move away and I look up for a second to see his reaction. He had a sorry face on and I couldn't blame him. I was a mess. I should be focusing on our songs and our upcoming comeback but thoughts of Hoseok keep invading my mind.

"Yoongi..." he began as I wipe my tears with my sleeve.

"I didn't know you felt this specific way towards me. I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier but,,,Yoongi, don't let me not being with you stop you from doing the things you love. Like producing. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth those tears that are falling down your face. I swear there's gotta be someone out there that would be a better fit for you than I am. I promise." He said. Trying to comfort me.

"Please don't beat yourself up. Continue to eat, sleep, and make your music I you'll feel better..."

I thought about what he said. I just gave it a thought. And that's not just it. I want somebody to love me in a way brothers don't. Someone for me to hold at night when I feel lonely, or cold. He didn't get it the way I wanted him to.

     "Thank you.." I finally say and I finally dismiss him. Letting him go.

     I look at the plate of food he left me. It was already cold. There was no use in eating it now. I could just microwave it, but I didn't feel like leaving my room so I just continued to mope in my room.

     I suddenly hear a knock on my door.

     "Yoongi? It's me, Jimin. Can I come in?" He asked with his calm nurturing voice.

     "I got food for you" he said, then I hear my stomach grumble.

     " you can come in" I have him permission to invade my space.

      "Oh, I see you already got food in here. I guess I should take this back" He walks in, and the first thing he notices is the untouched food next to me and suggests he takes his back.

     "No, it's fine..." I quickly turn around and finally see  his face. He began to smile a sad smile probably noticing how pale I was yet was willing to finally eat.

     "This plate turned too cold to eat anyway. A warm meal would be nice"