insecurely confident

CHAPTER 18: Carnivals

I really needed to go around with my own car. I always end up needing a ride but i wanted to be alone so i just called an uber. There was a carnival in the neighboring city it really wasn't far and i desperately needed a distraction. Good thing i always carry cash incase of emergencies.

I arrived at the carnival, my mom used to bring me here when i was feeling down it wasn't always open but somehow always was when we needed the distraction.

I walked around heading to my favourite place. I had two places i loved the first place was the sea horses for children i loved watching kids having a care free time their laughter was infectious.

The second place is the rollercoaster seeing people scream and while some threw up was just hilarious. But i have never been on a rollercoaster and I'm not planning to.

As i sat at a point where i could hear and see people scream laughing at the top of my lungs they start to hurt when i decided i had enough.

I walked around and saw a guy selling cotton candy and why not.

I went to the guy and when he stopped twirling it to give it to me he i gave him a very mean look. Any adult would be insulted by the amount he was about to give me.

"Keep going buddy" i said and he got back to it.

"Either your really pissed or you seriously love cotton candy" he said

"Both" i said blankly

He pated the seat next to him and i happily obliged. Yes i was willing to talk to a complete stranger about my problems.

"Here you can devour your cotton candy while i listen to you vent"

"You would seriously let a complete stranger blabber about their problems to you"

"Believe it or not selling cotton candy isn't that interesting."

We both laughed and i chose to talk to him whats the worst that could happen.
He listened to me. And i found out his name is Coda, cute name he was attractive himself.

"So any advice Coda"

"Hmm well Victoria if you gave me your number i just might offer you some advice"

"Trying to flirt with me Coda when i just told you about two guy problems I'm having"

He chuckled a little "No Victoria i wouldn't put myself in a position like that i really like you but you seem cool and when I'm having problems you have to repay the favour by listening to me"

We both laughed. I think the sugar got me overly energetic.

I took out my phone and gave him my number. He said he'll text me so i didn't take his.

"I think you should talk to this Blane guy and find out what you guys are so you can stop wasting your time if he is not serious with you"

"Your right but I'm scared Coda."

"Why are you scared?"

"Rejection Coda what if he was just playing with me cause i was available, what if he doesn't like me"

"Listen Victoria, i have i known for two hours and I like you what's not to like. But if he does reject you, you take it and you get over it like the strong person you obviously are it will be his loss"

"I don't know if its your words or the sugar but i want to confront him now"

"Definitely my words" he winked.

He was packing up cause it was getting late. We walked to the parking lot and he offered me a ride home. I told him it was a little bit far but he insisted.

When we got to Blane's house i invited him in but he said he had to be somewhere maybe next time.

I walked in the house after taking deep breaths i was ready to confront him. He wasn't in the living room so i went to his bedroom.

I opened the door somehow wishing he wasn't home but he was on his bed he wasn't asleep we was just looking at the roof and i didn't fail to notice the empty tub of ice-cream on the floor.

"Blane" i said a bit unsure.

He didn't reply so i went in and stood Infront of him. I called him again then he got up and stared at me.

"Let's talk"

"Wanna talk Martinez okay let's talk"

I took a deep breath and sat next to him i didn't know how to start so i stayed silent i wanted him to start. Then he did.

"Why would do that?" He asked. He looked hurt.

I was silent. Cause i don't know why i was about to kiss Ian. I knew that was what he was talking about but i had no reason.

"Fucking answer me Victoria why were you almost about to kiss Ian?"

"I don't know alright. Maybe because he was there for me, maybe because i know he won't hurt me and will fucking stand up for me when a group of low life teenagers talk about me to his face."

We were both mad. Our voices were raised.

"I'm a coward Victoria is that what you want me to say cause i am I know i am. I should have defended you Infront of those guys and i didn't "

"Why didn't you Blane? why didn't you stand up for me?"

"Its not that i didn't want to Vic i just"... He growled " i just wanted to protect my reputation in school I know its stupid"

"No Blane it's not stupid its completely selfish what do you think i would have done if someone said horrible things about you. I would freaking defend you why because I'm a decent human being who doesn't care about what people think"

"I know that now. Look Victoria i know what i did was wrong and i should have defended you. It was selfish but I'm sorry "
"Why did you even bother taking me on that date if you knew it would ruin your reputation. Why kiss me? why even talk to me or even ask me to sleep on your bed with you.? Why do all these things. Call me stupid Blane but i actually thought you liked me and maybe i read all that wrong but you misled me with the whole date thing. If you did it on purpose Blane your are an even more selfish bastard than i thought"

"I wasn't misleading you Victoria, I've just been in denial for a long time"

"I don't understand you Blane"

He moved closer to me were so close i cloud hear him breath and just immediately he smashed his lips of mine. Maybe it was his way of rejecting me. Call me stupid but if that was going to be out last kiss i was going to make it worth it.

I kissed him back and he licked my lip asking for access which i gladly allowed and he slipped his tongue in my mouth. Everything was in synch you would say we were perfect together. He both pulled away for air but he had my bottom between in teeth before he let go of it.

"I like you Martinez"