Zain's choice ✔️

19: Gymming

Mira's POV

I am distracted throughout breakfast. I keep playing around with my food wondering just how to accept Zain's obvious advances.

It is obvious he is making an effort. So should I just force myself to behave accordingly?

It's also clear that Marmie and Momsie are desperately praying for us to work.

All these while, I am thinking of ways to be independent of Zain. I just never ever thought it could ever be different with him.

Yet he is acting as if he is possessed by a very nice spirit.

I accept that I love Aman and Zain was just a crush that hurt me in a worst way which also happens to be the time my heart had elevated him like no other. I was helplessly infatuated with him.

And now, its harder to forget that I was in love because i still sometimes try very hard to crush any thoughts of Aman.

I am still working through the pain of abrupt separation. I am trying to forget that the man I had loved with everything I had, just moved on without so much as a goodbye.

Again, I had a portion of that blame. We all do. Zain, Aman and I.

If Zain hadn't been so domineering, Aman wouldn't have been placed between a monster and the deep blue sea.

If I hadn't accepted the marriage so calmly, perhaps I would have spoken to Aman. To apologize and say goodbye.

Yet Aman hadn't contacted me either. Going out to see our dream house, laughing all day with Sensei (Ya Amma), Aman and I, that was the last meeting between us.

I had been resolute in what I wanted from zian's marriage.

I wanted leverage and I want to prove to him that he is nothing to me now, that he cannot own me and that his tactics will not make me cower.

He had broken my heart the first time and then he divorced me.

I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't ever going to live with him.

I made him out to be a monster, a heartless brute whose only weapon is force...

Yet, I am realizing that maybe the Zain Jas knew was more real than the Zain Mira ever saw or could have known.

For some people there is a layer for every situation you have to peel off. And Zain seems. To belong to thar category.

Why was he so closed off to me the first time?

Why hadn't I mattered?

Why now?

No! Maybe it's another ploy to make me cave. I can't give in now.

Once I do have leverage, I will feel more at ease.

Only then will I ever feel at ease enough to make any major decisions, like living with a nice monster.

I felt something warm touch my hand and I am startled awake from my deep thoughts.

"Mira! What's wrong?" Momsie asks worriedly.

I blink. I don't even know why I am feeling tears well in my eyes.

I look over at Zain, knowing it's his hands on mine, comforting me from my dark thoughts.

Zain never does things like comfort.

Why is he holding my hand?

Our eyes met and suddenly, he is scaring me so much.