Zain's choice ✔️

36: Strategy

Zain's POV

The water never came and I just know she is hiding away somewhere trying to hold herself together.

She looks as shattered as I feel which is quite touching on it's own.

I can't help but wonder if she hates me for what I did to her. I wonder what she considers being married to me now. I feel like less than a man. Can anyone ever love me now?

I feel vulnerable and I can't help the self loathing and pain.

I cannot go over to her because I don't want to end up begging for her not to leave me.

So I remained there on the bed, until the doctor returns to check my condition.

Later, its so quiet in the house. Mira finally shows up.

I pretended to be asleep to make it easier on her.

I can hear her footsteps as she walks inside the room. She sits on the bed right next to me and I can feel her gaze on me. But she didn't do anything after that.

I got tired of waiting. I really want to open my eyes and look at her. I want to relive the luxuriating feeling of rushing emotions as I stare at her face.

Cox I love Mira. And I want to see if I feel the same way now. I want to savor it.

I hear her sigh. "I don't know what is always happening to us Zain. But I hope this is it and we don't have to suffer any more than this. I wish it would be all so simple. But that's naive!" Her voice is tears. I can imagine her shaking her head right now.

"Momsie is gonna kill you. Marmie is gonna kill me. And pops is gonna crucify us! Baba though...he is gonna punish us! He will want us to separate Zain. No one will believe that you just woke up one day and hated me and then you just turn back to liking me again. It's so absurd! What will we do?" She asks as if she knows I am not sleeping. It's in the way her voice sounded. Though worried, but vague as only one does when they are talking to other people.

So I open my eyes right then. Our gazes met and she keeps blinking her eyes to stop herself from crying.

I shake my head at her, trying to be strong even though I am so pathetic.

"They can't make me divorce you Mira. And if you are not divorced, what can they really do?" I question.

She smiles at that. "I wouldn't worry if you were the Zain who claims not to have divorced me even though your are lying to get your way. In fact, this is Karma! You lied the first time and now, it's coming to bite you!" She complains.

I look away from her and murmur "do you even want to stay married to me?"

She uses her hand to turn my face back so I am looking at her again. "Don't look away. I won't think any less of you if I saw what you really feel Zain" she pleads with me.

My gaze softened even more as I stare at her. Wow! She really doesn't feel differently about me. But I guess time will tell. She hasn't seen me at my worst yet.

"I hate myself Mira. I am too dependent on the people around me and I tire of my feeble state of mind" I confessed. "It would be hard, living with me Mira. Are you sure you can stay married to me? What if I remain like this forever? Would independent Mira like living with a pathetic idiot?" I question. It's better to get things out in the open. I don't want to get my hopes up and end up getting hurt.