spiderling ; reader imagines

I'd wait for her || P.P.

Pairing: college!peter parker x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, crying

~

How many nights, he questioned himself, is this going to go on for?

It had barely been a week, and he was already crumpling, already breaking off into bits and pieces that he couldn't keep track of. He cries when he thinks about what used to be so structured, what used to be so untouchable, so invincible.

She's not here. She's not here for the first time in a long time, and the realization makes him crumble even more. The realization that their streak had finally broken, made him want to crumple every assignment and shove them out of the window.

College is hard.

Or maybe it isn't. He knows he's above average, he knows he's smart. But he knows he's got limits. He knows he has a tipping point, he knows he can't carry everything. But he thought he could, he convinced himself he could.

But she's still not here. He saw her yesterday, in the dining hall, and his heart nearly shattered all over again. Harry had to drag him out before he started sobbing in the lunch line.

College is so hard, but this is harder.

Peter doesn't know if he should go patrolling or finish his physics assignment. He knows Mr. Stark might get angry if he stays up too late again. Having returned home for winter break with eye bags darker than Loki's soul, he knows not to make that mistake again. So, he chooses to head down to the library where Y/N probably is. She's got a biochemistry exam coming up, and lord knows she needs all the study time she can get.

She smiles when Peter comes into her view. He's wearing a casual hoodie and jeans, backpack hanging off of one shoulder while he strides over to her. She's smiling softly while finishing up the notes for one page.

"Hey, Pete."

"Hey, Y/N." He leans down to kiss her cheek before sliding into the wooden chair beside her. "How's it going?"

She sighs. "Slow. Agonizing. Painful. All signs of death, you know."

He laughs at her remark while throwing his head back, eyes crinkling. "You'll be alright."

She hums in response. Peter smiles at her, though her head is down in the direction of the book in front of her. He wants to reach out and move her hair with his fingertips, he wants to place his hand over hers and let his feelings sprout. He wants it all and he wants it badly.

But there are some things in life that just aren't meant to be. He's convinced this is one of those things, and though he thinks he's come to terms with it, the harsh reality is that he hasn't. His heart has dug him into a deeper pit, inescapable to himself. He'd cry about it if he thought too deeply about it, but he doesn't think of it, so he doesn't cry.

She's here, instead. She's here and that's good enough for the time being. She's here, in flesh and bone, all smiles and exhaustingly cheerful about studying. She's here and Peter's perfectly content with that.

Only he knows it won't last.

"I need to leave early today."

"Oh?" He looks up from his physics homework even though he has nothing written down. She hums.

"I have a date with Levi."

He clicks his tongue. He wants to be happy for her, truly and sincerely, he does. But the bitterness that sprouts from his heart is much stronger than any feeling of joy that's produced from those words.