spiderling ; reader imagines

All the good things || P.P.

Pairing: Peter Parker x insecure!reader

Warnings: very descriptive, mentions depression

~

Time and time again, you would try to get that voice out of your head. Out of your mind, where it deteriorated all the positive things, all the bright memories and thoughts that it taunted, ruined. You didn't know how to stop it, where it was coming from, or why it still talked.

It did nothing but kick you when you were down, pester you when you finally felt the slightest bit of freedom. It bothered you endlessly, asking for more but never willing to give what it took.

You'd tried getting rid of your phone all together. You'd thrown it out of the window once, during a particularly rough summer evening. Tony had a fit about it, but it didn't matter. He always bought you new things, what was another phone to him?

You'd wondered if other girls were like this, if other people were like this. If they had that same loud voice in their heads, the same way of thinking that did nothing but destroy. You didn't want to ask, too afraid of the response, and too afraid of the reactions. You couldn't even bring it up to Peter, your soft and adorable boyfriend who would go to the ends of the Earth just to make sure you were safe and happy.

You wanted to cry because of that. Because he was so good to you and you had absolutely no reason to not believe him, to not believe in yourself. You wanted to cry because you knew you had no reason to feel everything you do.

Maybe you should stop wanting the tears to fall. Maybe you don't deserve to cry at all. Maybe you deserve to bottle everything up, keep your burdens inside so nothing goes wrong for anyone else.

You thought a lot of things.

It was late, probably a quarter after eleven. You were laying in your bed, scrolling through countless Instagram posts, switching back and forth between your camera roll photos and the modelled Instagram posts. You wanted to cry, but you also wanted to stop crying. You wanted everything at once, and it made your entire situation harder for yourself.

You wanted to be good enough for Peter. You'd seen girls around him, seen what you thought he liked best. You tried so hard to be that for him, but nothing was ever enough. Nothing achieved the results you wanted.

You tried to quiet the sniffles and sobs. You tried but you always forget, because it becomes all-consuming. You're so conceited.

You're too busy crying to realize Peter has barged into the room, talking excitedly about something Vision had said to him and Ned.

"Hey, baby. You should've heard wha-" he paused, his feet stopping in his place. "Are you crying?"

You quickly sat up, wiping your cheeks and shutting your phone off, sliding it underneath your pillow.

"No," you denied, shaking your head with a shaky smile. "I'm not; I'm fine."

"Yes you are," he slowly walked over to you, cooing. "Baby... what's wrong?"

"Nothing," you mustered a laugh. "I'm fine. What were you saying?"

He sat down softly beside you, feet dangling off your mattress, one hand reaching for yours while the other cupped your cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across it, taking note of how noticeable the tear stains were.

"Y/N," his voice was hushed and smooth. "You know you can talk to me, right? I'm here for you, baby." You nodded in his grasp, eyes blinking away fresh tears that he didn't miss. "What happened, angel?"

You sniffled, exhaling shakily, blinking away more tears. "I just... I don't feel very good with myself lately." He hummed and you went on. "I just.... I don't like my body or- or my mind or-"

"What don't you like, baby?" he kissed a knuckle.

You scoffed, eyes rolling back as you tilted your head upwards. "My hips," you slapped them, voice rasping as you let a few more tears slip. "My boobs and my stomach and my stupid-fucking thighs."

Peter frowned at you. You'd just named the things he loved about you, the things that make you undeniably beautiful.

"Why, baby? Why don't you like those things?" his thumb rubbed across the back of your hand.

"Because, Peter! I don't look like- like those girls!"

You stood up, frustrated and hands in the air. "What girls?"

You gestured to your phone on the bed. "Those girls on Instagram and shit! I don't look anything like them and I'm trying everything but I just look ugly compared to them," you puffed out a breath, sobbing into the room.

Peter stood up, walking over to your distressed self and wrapping his arms around you. You collapsed into his chest, sobbing into his infamous blue MidTown hoodie. Tear after tear fell, Peter rubbing up and down your back. Your breathing was erratic, and you were afraid you were too loud and too irritating. Peter didn't care, though. He didn't care if anyone judged him for letting you cry in his arms. He'd rather it be him than anyone else.

Steve and Bucky knocked on your bedroom door to check on you; the sounds of whimpers had caught their attention. Peter motioned towards you, eyes closed in his arms as you tried to catch your breath. They nodded when his finger shushed them. They closed the door gently, and eventually, you calmed down.

Peter sat you in the bed, knees connected.

"Why do you wanna look like those girls, baby?"
"Because you like those girls"

Peter looked at you, bewildered. "Who said that?"

"Well," you took a deep breath. "No- nobody, but it just seemed like you like all those girls with-"

"Hey," he cut you off. "I don't have guidelines for who I like. I like you, Y/N. With thick thighs or without. I love your belly, and your thighs and your hips an-and," he stuttered a bit, "And your boobs. Because that's you, and your body does so much for you. I love you; I would never ask you to change yourself because you think it'd be more appealing."

"Oh, Peter," you whispered, moving back into his embrace. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do," he stated firmly, kissing your head. "You deserve all the good things in the world."

A/N: hello my lovelies. I just wanted to say that you are all beautiful and don't let anyone tell you anything different. I know social media can have a big impact on the way you view yourself because you see all those girls who are "pretty" and all that but just remember that you're all absolutely stunning and gorgeous and I love you all. If you need to talk, feel free to message me LOVE YOU ALL <3